Mom of 12 in Mississippi

Mom's 75th Birthday

2012-01-25T11:49:00.001-06:00

Surpise!

We surprised her alright. My brother, Chris had made it to her house 1 hour before me and kept her occupied. She didn't know he was coming, but since he lives only a few hours, it was and wasn't a surprise. She knew my youngest brother, David and little sister, Tracy were coming it on Saturday.

So all of a sudden, Chris came in on Friday night and then I came in hollering "I hear someone is getting old this weekend!" Of course, over the weekend she informed me that "she would let me know when she was getting old".

Many days I feel like she will out live me. My mother is amazing with the energy has!

It was a long weekend, due to travel and not sleeping well.

But it was good to see family we hadn't seen in quite awhile (it is hard to visit much when you live 15 hours or more away and are broke all the time) and meet family we hadn't meet before. There was a lot of laughing and abit of crying. Chris did a really nice DVD slide show for mom, with plenty of old pics. We all exchanged photos off the digital cameras (technology can be good) before everyone dispersed.

All in all I would say a Good Time was had by All!

Pure Romance

2012-01-12T14:18:00.001-06:00

It is official I am a Consultant.
So contact me for orders or parties (which can be so much fun)!
prmomdzn@yahoo.com
barbaracerveny.pureromance.com
Looking forward to this business, I see it as a way to achieve the retirement Dan and I want. It has the added benefit of interacting with other woman :)
Excited and scared at the same time!

Family Dynamics and Emotions

2012-01-06T14:40:00.001-06:00

WHY!!!
Do people who keep all their emotions pent up (ice people) belittle those of us, who freely let go (all be it sometimes maybe more than we should)...
WHY!!!
Do they make us feel like we are broke....when reality is we are on opposite sides of the pendulum swing....
AND
It takes all of us to balance out the world.
We let you be who you are so let us be who we are and QUIT telling us
to PULL it TOGETHER! We pull together what we can, when we can....
Many times the over-emotional are teetering on a fine line and you are probably adding to the problem.
WHAT!!!
Has happened to compassion, unconditional love??? We are family after all... the world is to full of petty bullshit... and family should be there to support one another...
AND
Let me tell you life is too short for this and one day (it may be in the hereafters) you will regret your actions, as I am sure I will regret a few :?
THIS outburst is dedicated to someone similar to me and I care deeply about!

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!!!

2012-01-04T10:29:00.001-06:00

Oh, yes, I am not above making them or so disorganized mentally not to make them :)
I resolve to survive my life in spite of myself, family and circumstances :)
I am seriously going to work on the goals list on the side of this blog.
Praying that everyone I know and love has a year they would like to have!

Out with the Old in with the NEW

2012-01-01T14:16:00.001-06:00

I am praying that many of the problems that plagued me during 2011 will quietly sneak away.
I am however realistic...I know that until I change many things will not change.
I am striving to deal with my depression...and in spite of the PS comment to the last post...I am suicidal BUT I love my family TOO much to go through with it.
I am going to put more effort into straightening out our financial situation. I am considering becoming a Pure Romance Consultant. I am also going to look into other possibilities. I still would like to start a business, something to do with nature not women's health...greenhouse, garden consultant, landscaping using local critters to embellish it or teaching children about ecology.
My baby will be 13, she wants so desperately to be grown-up but at the same time wants to be a kid. Living in a household of adults is aging her beyond her years.
Andrew would have been 16 in 2011, and it was very difficult to deal with; which is about all I am going to say on the matter because it is a sore in my life that on milestone birthdays explodes!
In 2012, Tiff will have another daughter; Milestone birthdays will be Bethany at 13, Abby at 18, Ben at 21 and Nick at 25. I will technically have only 2 children under 18....I am moving towards the light but do I really want to :(
Dan will officially start receiving his Social Security this month and in February will be starting a Gunsmithing Course through a company called AGI to become a Professional Gunsmith.
So life will be moving on, I just pray it will move in a Great Direction this year!!
I know it will take an awful alot of effort on my part but hopefully the people in my life will also be making alot of effort to improve their lives.

UnCertainty

2011-12-08T17:20:00.000-06:00

So I am in a quandary...
When you don't believe the things you did before, what do you do?
Do you try to get them back, even if you are unsure you want them back?
How do you interact with the people who still believe that way and want you to believe the same thing?
How do you live in a world of such intolerance of beliefs (can you tell I have been oblivious before)?
How do you live in your world when you are unsure of what you believe?
Who can you talk to about it without judgement; especially when the people you don't expect to judge you DO!
Right now, just let me process, let me figure this all out and don't shove your beliefs down my throat. Don't think that if I hang out in the old environment I will gain that belief again or feel comforted!
I may get there (being a spot that I know what I believe) and I may struggle for awhile.
Don't rush me!

PS
I am not suicidal, yes I Know I can't change the past, yes I reflect on the past but I don't think I open up old wounds, YES I am trying to decide what I believe and how to live with others!

Prepping for Thanksgiving and Other Holidays!!

2011-11-21T15:35:00.000-06:00

Well, we have been rearranging the house to give everyone the best square footage. It has been slow going and there is still a pile under plastic on the porch. I think we need a storage shed :(
Rearranged the kitchen, going thru things. Eventually all plastic will be gone and replaced with glass or stainless. I know, I know many of you think I am crazy. But I want NO risk of leeching occurring in my home. Dan has 2 types of Alzheimer's in his family. And now I have grandchildren around that have concerns for me. Starting with the plastic, They might microwave in; then I will move on to the storage containers that leftovers are put in. Then I will move on to the storage containers on the shelves (that may be a bit down the road).
The menu for Thanksgiving has been hammered out. It is going to be tons of food options. A friend mentioned in her weekly update, that her husband said something about "her family" gatherings focused on food AND I have felt that way around here for years. BUT if we still enjoy each others company and don't just quietly sit stuffing our faces what is the harm????
As it has been for a few years now, not everyone will be here :( Those that aren't here you will be missed. Know that I love you and I am thankful for the blessings you have brought to my life!!!

Do Over

2011-11-14T09:36:00.000-06:00

You know I have had a lot of things not go right in my life and some very bad things too.
But this is the first time I felt I wanted a do over.
I would love to go back to a year ago and do it over.
I may end up in the same place but at least maybe some things would be better.
I feel like I wasted most of my efforts this past year more than I ever have. And because of those wasted efforts I missed something important. Even though I am not sure what it was.
I ran away from my problems and kids. And now some of those kids have run away from me.
I have been an emotional vampire to be around, the terrible thing is I know it but can't seem to stop doing it.
I know life is a struggle for many, that I am not alone. But when a person is where I am at it feels pretty alone. And alone in amongst a crowd somehow feels really lonely.
So I spite of myself, my life events, I will try to do better. Carpe diem!!!!
So for better or worse people you are stuck with me and I am stuck with you, except me or move on, and learn to do as I am trying to do!

Been Awhile!

2011-10-28T13:37:00.000-05:00

Three weeks since my last post...hmm, that coincides with me starting a Master Gardener course.
The Master Gardener program is sponsored through the extension service and in our state MSU (Mississippi State University). The class has had its ups and downs, in other words, some of the classes have been really good and some really not so good. The class on lawns really taught me alot, and I was dreading the class because I have no interest in lawns (As my *itchy neighbor would tell you.) Since starting the class I have brought home 4 Boston ferns, a Jade plant, 3 Aloes, a Ric Rac cactus, a Pregnant Onion, a Pony Tail, a Peace Lily, 3 Trumpet plants, 2 Hibiscus, and Birds Nest plant; all from another participant (she is cleaning out her greenhouse and also doesn't have room for everything).
In the past three weeks, Ben has moved out (heart breaking, he is my baby boy after all) and moved in with a friend in Tupelo. Nick has been out west traveling and is currently sort-of home packing to leave Saturday to live in New Mexico with a friend. There is nothing here for my boys and my heart hurts and I cry but I understand them wanting to leave and find a life.
So once Nick is moved out, the house is going to be rearranged. Mary is moving back home. So life is never dull and never the same. But always no less than a half dozen or more people living here :)
We are looking to possibly move to Oxford. Share a place with Daniel in the Oxford School District. That is hinging on financing and whether Daniel wants to do it.
Part of me wants a homestead that can be self-reliant, part of me wants to be near Camp Yocona, part of me wants to buy a Winnebago and just go....and part of me just wants to crawl back in bed. So who knows what life will bring because I SURE am not where I planned to be at this stage in my life!!

The WHY's of Today

2011-10-04T11:32:00.000-05:00

Why do we have to hurt so badly for those we have lost?
Why do we have to lose those so young?
Why do we hurt because our children hurt?
Why is this existence so hard?

Yes, I know the religious answer to the last one; so please don't put those preachy comments here. I know that sounded harsh but right now I am just venting.

Today is the anniversary of our dear sweet Maggie's death, not only do I mourn the loss of a granddaughter but my heart breaks for those she left behind in her household.
I can honestly say that Maggie was a great blessing for my daughter, Jen and her husband, David. I saw David become the man, he is suppose to be with Maggie's birth. And he is a good husband and father for it. It is a hard way to become a man.

On the anniversary of the deaths of our young ones in the family, I tend to think of all the pain in our lives and I cry. I cry for my own broken heart and for the broken hearts of those I love.

When I think of those others in my life who were not so young, I miss them. But I remember the love and happy times, and sometimes those not so good memories creep in.

Why am I so deeply and profoundly affected by death?

When Angry Words are Your Last

2011-10-04T11:15:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been biting my tongue, practically off.
So I will tell a story, 2 weeks before my dad died. He and I had an argument, that at that moment it seemed gargantuan in proportions. It was a matter of pride and a question of me and my abilities and who I was, I wish I could say I don't remember what it was about. But 32 years later, I still remember and it still hurts because these were the last words, we spoke to each other. It was so hurtful at the time, that I had the opportunity to go see him the weekend before he died and didn't. In retrospect, the argument was inconsequential in the master plan of living.
So, when I ask for something to be done, I am not doing it to torture you. I am asking to make our life around here easier and better. I am sorry, that you see others not doing, but are you! I am sorry my health is such that I slow down too fast. Believe me it is frustrating for me. I just don't understand and I refuse for our last words (because we never know what will happen) to be angry words. I just need your help!

Life Moving On

2011-09-30T18:53:00.000-05:00

Well, I am not always prepared for how our life changes.
I, however, after a few tears (or maybe more than a few) move on and try to work with what I have.
The boys came home and are considering looking on to greener pastures. I knew Nick was planning on it. It hit alittle harder when Ben expressed that same desire. You see, with Andrew not among us, Ben is my baby boy; enough said the tears are flowing :? So Nick hasn't been around much since returning from Philmont and leaves the end of October, heading to live out west (more tears).
Daniel has temporarily moved back home; which has the added benefit of seeing Charlie and Andy more often. I am going with Charlie to Tiger Cub meetings and his dad takes him on the camping/shooting/activities. Grandpa is usually teaching the shooting. Charlie did most excellent of BB Shooting last Saturday and will get to do it again tomorrow. Andy gets sad that he can't go.
Dan is preparing to start collecting his Social Security come January 2012. He will be starting a gunsmithing course (and hopefully have a small business eventually). And being a full-time Scouting volunteer.
Me, well I am fixing to take a Master Gardener course and continuing my education in Ecology topics. I am working on increasing my herpatarium (I love reptiles/amphibians).
Life continues On, not always in the direction I planned; but thank heavens after a few breakdowns, I move on with it.
Hope Everyone is Enjoying Life and Moving On With it and not fighting the wave!

So Where Have I Been???

2011-09-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Where am I ever?

In my head, in the yard, in the house or out at camp.

In my Head:

Trying to figure out who will sleep where, What path to take from now on, Who to tell what, How to keep going on the days I really don't want to, What will be best for each of my children, What will be best for Dan and I.

In the Yard:

Trying to clean up the mess, knock down the weeds, and generally make things look better.

In the House:

Dejunking

Out at camp:

Hiding, and trying to make the Old Ranger Cabin area look better.

So why the weird post...because I am weird!

The rest of this post has been deleted so not to hurt anyone's feelings

My love to all

Apologies to Friends/Adopted Family/Anyone Else

2011-08-27T19:37:00.000-05:00

I feel the need to apologize to friends and friends whom I consider family (hopefully you know who you are) and people whom I may have slighted.

I have NO excuse, except I have at times allowed my personal problems and issues get in the way. Sometimes to the extreme.

If I have neglected you it is not because I don't need you in my life; generally it is because I don't know how to fit you in my life. Life has at times overwhelmed me. At times I have bitten off more than I can chew. There are many times I get frustrated with myself for allowing my health to get where it is. And no mom it isn't because I had so many children; it is because I didn't take care of myself.

I must admit that Sometimes I have become jealous of you replacing me in my childrens' lives. And I know my children aren't perfect but don't complain to me constantly, if you are having conflict with them. I tell my children, "I will always Love You but there may be times when I Don't Like You". And I will always Love my children more than others.

In case, you haven't figured it out about me; I Don't like Conflict and don't deal with it well. I takes alot to push me into fighting back. I am learning to survive I must avoid conflict and stressful situations. And when it becomes all about yourself, you forget to serve others as we should. And that leads me to neglecting or hurting someone; I am truly sorry.

I have been in conflict all my life as to my interests. I love working with pregnant women, midwifery and babies; but like everything it has been in seasons and they aren't always continuous. I have a love of my things and I am always thirsting for knowledge. At the same time I am searching for peace, tranquility and spirituality. I have come to learn that religion and being religious is not the same as spirituality. I crave the spiritual being in myself and that can cause conflict with friends.

I have received much support from friends over the years and I am grateful. I regret losing touch with so many of you. I wish we could get together every so often; but I am also aware that you have lives of your own, or live a distance, or as like my family don't always have the finances to visit. Know that I think of all the people who have been in my life, who have influenced my life and who have loved me.

Boys Are Home

2011-08-26T17:45:00.000-05:00

They don't think they have grown taller, but that I have shrunk :) Personally, I think it is abit of both!!!

They drove straight thru from Philmont. I stayed up all night worrying, until they were here. It took me a couple days to recover from no sleep. And they should have been able to rest BUT (that inevitable word) we needed to swap bedrooms. So Daniel, Nick, Nate and Ben are now where the girls were so now Abby and Bethany are in Nick, Nate and Ben's old room.

They still are telling stories when we have time to sit together. They really had a Great Year out there. They all made friends that they are planning trips to see each other. Some are evidently coming here to meet the family (after all we are a strange bunch :)

They have been so blessed by this opportunity to work out there. Ben is talking about getting more training in Outdoor stuff. He is applying at Philmont and SeaBase for next year. Nate plans to apply for HeadRock at Philmont. Nick well, I really don't know what him and JP will be doing. They are fixing to leave for a week, job hunting for the winter out west. Nick will be a traveling man for right now.

It is good to have them home. I get lots of hugs daily from them. Which I really can use right now! And I love hearing the laughter, it makes me smile inside.

Apologies to my Family

2011-08-16T15:39:00.000-05:00

First of all, I am fine! I just feel the need to say this somewhere.

Mom, I apologize for not always being there for you. I feel I have let you down in many ways. Do know how much I love you and appreciate all you have done for me. I am sorry for not expressing it to you at all the times I could and should have.

Dad, I know you have past on but I am sorry for being stubborn, and for testing your patience when I knew you had a short fuse. I love and miss you!!!

To my children, I apologize for my short-comings, for my lack of consistency through the years, for not preparing you to live outside of our family as well as I could and should have, for not cracking the whip at the appropriate times, for holding on when I should have pushed you out, for the times when I was here but not. I will always believe that each of you has great potential because I have seen it. I believe that you can do anything you put your minds to and stick with. I will love you always. I will miss you when you are not around.

To my grandchildren, I apologize for not being a fun grandma, for not doing more things with you. I love you and will try to improve our relationships.

To my darling husband, I apologize for not handling things the best they could have, for wasting resources, for not preparing better for your retirement, for having you do the dirty work when I get us into jams, for being emotionally unstable at times, for not keeping a clean enough home, for over-planning and not following through, for all my over-thinking, for my getting your hopes up about possibilities, for all the wild-ass things I have done and drug you right along with me, for being so impatient, for planning too big a projects to be accomplished in my timeline (which is usually so off and unrealistic). I could not have married a better man, I am not saying you are perfect. I just feel that not many people in the world would have been suited to who I am and who I have become throughout the years. I love you dearly!! I appreciate you greatly!! And you have made my life special :)

Ride Home from Camp

2011-07-17T20:51:00.000-05:00

This will be short but sweet.
Getting away from Camp proved long and arduous.
Dear Raisin (Bradley Aderholt) helped by bringing home a load.
So it was raining when we left camp. I lead the way.
Oxford is about 30 minutes from Camp, but I took the longer route because I was towing the trailer.
It was predetermined we would stop in Oxford for gas and some dinner (drive thru because of critters). Just before I got to Oxford, I realized something was crawling on me.
I looked down and my Corn Snake (Jinxy) was crawling down my shirt. I gently grabbed him and held him for the rest of the drive to Oxford.
So I pull up to the pump and Dan/Raisin pull up to another; Raisin starts coming towards me. I warned him about Jinxy, because he doesn't like snakes. So we fill up and I find a container to put him in.
I am sitting waiting for Dan to bring me my dinner and glance down and Tosh (Bethany's hamster) is not in her cage. So I rode home (30 minutes) with a hamster on the loose in the vehicle. Tosh was found after our arrival home.
Life is never too dull for me.

2011 Camp Yocona

2011-07-17T20:40:00.000-05:00

Well, we are home from our Camp Yocona vacation (working vacation).
It was a good 4 weeks of teaching young men.
Ecology has grown in resources, thanks to Johnny Price's donation getting abilities and the building skills of John Ray, Jonathon Smith, Skyler Ray and Charlie Smith. We have the first of 2 aquarium/habitat sections. And have a promise from a building supply group to help put in the second one. WoooHooo!!!!
I enjoyed the staff, missed quite a few of the past staff members. Really missed my sons, but acquired a few new young men as sons. There were the normal ups and downs. And a few not so normal ones. But we all survived life at camp. The younger (than me) staff kept me up and entertained and felling loved.
I lost my speckled king snake, he kept getting out of his cage and finally totally escaped. But I caught a rat snake, he was in the rafters of ecology (i.e. his name is Rafters). Dan let me get a baby Ball Python and a baby Corn Snake. I also brought home a huge aquatic turtle, we named Chicksa (after our OA lodge). I have 2 long tailed lizards (Fric and Frac) and an anole lizard (Nolie). 3 new toads and 2 fence lizards. So my house is looking very much like a herpetarium. I made contact to get another Corn Snake and a Red-tipped Ball Python. Daughter knows someone who might be getting rid of some lizards and snakes. Man, I really need to live across the street from Yocona. (Anyone know someone who would finance 5 acres, if I can find it close.)
Bethany did absolutely great this year. She has overcome her fear of snakes. She was helpful. She can't wait until 2013 when she can CIT at camp.
Dan had his usual hot summer, no electricity so no fans at shooting sports. Him and David (the director) have a funny relationship. They are fun to watch. The kids really seem to enjoy "chiefdan".
I truly feel blessed to be able to work at Camp Yocona.
Now to start working on next year program and a few details in my own life. Hope everyone has had a good summer.

New Dawn

2011-06-01T09:16:00.000-05:00

For the first time in 20 years, I am not going to Young Women's Camp with my daughters.

I have gone pregnant and with nursing babies. In fact, Abby was 2.5 months old when she went the first time and here it is her last year. Ben went in utero, then for 2 years after that.

Now my youngest is off for her first year of camp without me. It hurts. But I guess I am being taught a lesson in letting go.

So it is just Dan and I for the next couple days. With my 3 boys at Philmont, Mary in Tn, George at Cub Camp and Abby/Bethany at Young Women's. If it wasn't for the cockatiels and finches the house would be extremely quit.

Weird thing will be cooking. This week it has just be 4 and I cooked a whole chicken, had enough for the meal and chicken salad. Man, I don't remember cooking so little and it going so far.

Got errands to run and start packing things for Boy Scout Camp.

Comments to Posts

2011-05-24T12:39:00.002-05:00

From now on I won't delete any comments posted, UNLESS they are from some stranger and weird me out :)
I do reserve the right to edit offensive words.

Quandry

2011-05-23T19:26:00.000-05:00

How do you tell people you love and want to love you the truth,

what they need to know, what they need to hear?

My last words to my dad were abit harsh.

So I can't bring myself to put myself in that position again.

I don't want people mad at me.

But the stress is killing me.

Maggie Smiled

2011-05-05T16:46:00.000-05:00

Today, I was going to write about my granddaughter, Maggie who would have been 3 today. And I still may later.
A couple weeks ago, Maggie's mother Jennifer called and told me she had a complete placenta previa. This means that she would have to have a c/section and probably earlier in the pregnancy than we all would like.
She had a doctor's appointment today, and Maggie smiled on her mom. She doesn't have a previa any more.
Thank you God for letting her do that for her mom on this day!

Response after thought about comments

2011-05-01T12:48:00.000-05:00

This will be a response to the following comments which I deleted.
The reasons I deleted them were as follows: 1. I thought I truly had upset my son and I currently don't do well with that thought. 2. It was just a reaction to feeling threatened. I reposted the comments here. And will respond after them.

Daniel has left a new comment on your post "Governmental Inter"fear"ance":
Correlation is not causation. Just because Charlie has aspergers and was immunized, does not mean that he has aspergers because he was immunized.

Barb Cerveny has left a new comment on your post "Governmental Inter"fear"ance":
I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. If you would prefer I will take Charlie out of the blog.

Daniel has left a new comment on your post "Governmental Inter"fear"ance":

How is that my opinion? Everyone who owns a Hummer is a douche bag. Johnny owns a hummer. Therefore, Johnny is a douche bag. But you and I both know that conclusion to be false. I wasn't stating an opinion, I was challenging a logical fallacy.

As for my opinion, I don't know why Charlie has Aspergers and neither do you. So I am not going to just blame vaccines for it because he received them. He was also born 9 weeks early. He was given steroids before he was born. Allison could have been exposed to something while she was working at Walmart during her pregnancy. There are almost endless possibilities, including vaccines. Show me the studies that prove that vaccines are causative for autism spectrum disorders. Just saying something doesn't make it so.

I guess I wasn't prepared to debate this issue. For the most part, I see my blog as a way of posting my feelings, beliefs and opinions. I don't expect to have to justify them. I prefer people to research for themselves and form their own opinions. The problem with giving sources is that the sources I used to form my opinions were in books years ago. I haven't looked them up in years and I haven't looked them up online. I will do better and maybe just make a page of sources for my opinions, instead of links on the side since it could get lengthy.
My opinion on studies and stats because I have seen this in research. Studies and statistics can be used for both sides. They are numbers and you can't be sure who is providing them or if they really followed the empirical rules.
The other thing about this particular issue and many health issues is I would never want someone subjecting someone to something that could change their lives irreparably or kill them.

Governmental Inter"fear"ance

2011-04-28T12:13:00.003-05:00

Our founding fathers are surely turning over in their graves! The tyranny, we fought so hard to get away from is at our door. Hopefully, me writing this won't bring them to my door literally.
The federal and state governments have gone to far in the last 50 or so years (I have only been alive for 55 so reference without research would be crazy).
Laws and programs and control have been given to people, to literally take over our lives from the day we are conceived. Our government and its programs preceive us as their property (ward's of the state) from the time we are conceived and treat us as such. Yes, I know hundreds of children have been protected but there are hundreds who didn't need protection. But they have had their lives disrupted by inter"fear"ance by someone who thought they knew a better way to raise "your" child.
There are many families, who want control of their lives and their children's lives. God gave us our children after all. Many parents want to decide where to have their babies and not be threatened that said child will be taken away. Many parents are having their options on where to birth and with whom they birth limited by laws. Then when they finally make it through the birthing process, the battle continues.
If you don't vaccinate, you are again persecuted. And vaccines can be harmful to some people. I personally had a doctor (immunologist) tell me that had our daughter been vaccinated, she would have died. Another story... another soapbox.
Then they reach what "the state" considers school age. Then we lose our children from early in the morning to late in the day. How are we suppose to instill our values when we don't see or have a say in what is taught to them. Then they get them in school and if you want them, they make it hard to take them out. Example, tornadoes came through yesterday, my daughter-in-law went and got 1 son from daycare and preceded to go get the other from Kindergarten. She just wanted to be with her sons and have them close. After the danger passed, she wanted to take the 1 son from school and was told she couldn't. Of course, in a not so polite manner, she told them to try and stop her. Later she got a "canned" message from the superintendent of schools.
So, what if your child gets sick and you prefer to treat them naturally instead of using doctors. There is someone who always thinks they know what is better for your child and so again you live with governmental inter"fear"ance.
Okay, so you get past the giving birth, the early childhood, the teen years and they are adults. Then you watch them fight some of the same battles you fought. Your daughters and granddaughters don't have a right to determine their reproductive rights, because their bodies are not theirs. They can't find jobs because our country hardly produces anything anymore. Their rights "supposedly" guaranteed by the constitution are not real like you were taught and they were taught. So much for "life, liberty and pursuit of happiness" or the "right to bear arms against tyranny" or "freedom of speech". In my humble opinion, what has happened is the "money people", they control our lives by enslaving us at all costs. At the price of what we eat (genetically engineered products, that is another post) which in turn sends us to the medical community (mind you I am not blaming doctors because there are money people higher than them). At the price of our country being in debt to other countries and controlling what we use, but us not producing what we need. Being dependent on fuel from others and not utilizing the technology of alternative energy sources because again it would hurt the "money people".
The people in this country need to wake up and smell the roses (or the sh*t being shoveled). We need to tell our lawmakers NO, we need to tell the "money people" NO!!! We need to tack back our rights, because many people throughout our history fought and died for those rights. AND we seem to be handing them over way too easy.
Addendum: Lawmakers you want to earn your money, get rid of the mess and give control back to the people! And people learn you can't legislate morality and personal lives and quit pushing your will on others!

Life in General

2011-03-31T16:23:00.000-05:00

Many of you may not know, but I had abit of a breakdown in February.
I have been on antidepressants for alittle over 2 months now. I still am having some bad days but am having more good days. It would greatly help, if the sun would stay out. We have been having alot of overcast days and quite a few rainy days. Of course, when the water table starts dropping; we will want more of those rainy days.
Things at the house are getting done slowly or not at all. Which is very frustrating to me.
We had a bad storm, it took out our modem, router and we think my onboard internet connector. So we have a patch job at moment and some of us have a real time getting online. It is worse than dial-up. I now understand Daniel's frustration of coming here after being at Ole Miss with high speed :)
Nick, Nate, Ben, Abby, Daniel and JP having been doing alot of going off on weekends. They have gone climbing a couple times and backpacking and camping. They are getting Abby ready to go to Philmont this summer. One of these days I will figure out the picture thing and post some. Their last trip was up in Clarksville and they stayed with their sister, Jen. Nick and JP got tattoos on that last trip, Nick an orange carabiner and JP a green one. He called and wanted to know if I would be mad. I told him, "It is your body and your pain".
Speaking of Jen, she is expecting her fifth child in August. And surprise, surprise it is a boy; after 4 girls.
I had Daniel's boys during spring break, it was good to spend some time with them. Of course, they make me feel really old. And their mother tells them I am really old :)
I still need to find employment. I would love to work at PetSmart in Oxford (Sept to May). Then have the summer for camp, Bethany and family.
As far as BS Camp, I currently have in my living room habitats: 1 baby box turtle, 2 old men box turtles, 1 juvenile aquatic turtle, 2 leopard frogs, and a baby ring snake. In addition to the family pets of 1 great dane (who is afraid of thunderstorms), a hamster (who is very personable) and an aviary with 2 cockatiels and 2 finches. Still need a nice friendly black snake, some lizards, some more frogs and toads.
Well, I got distracted because Daniel and Charlie showed up after his school zoo trip. So if I think of something else it will just be another post.

Thoughts about Sex

2011-03-11T13:12:00.000-06:00

Okay Kids, Mom and Dan don't be embarrassed. And yes, this is going out over the internet to be read by anyone. So I am apologizing up front, if I offend anyone or hurt your feelings or embarrass you.

First off, sex is a natural instinct. Our species will not survive if we don't have sex and babies. And yes, the two do go together as a survival of the species thing. But not all sex is for procreation, which is fine. ALRIGHT, I am not professing "Free Love", even though I grew up in the '60s and '70s. Sex is a part of our biological makeup, but we also must remember that WISDOM thing, too.
Sex unfortunately is one of those taboo subjects, like breastfeeding, cancer, I know there are others but I have drawn a blank at the moment.
Sex is also something that has caused persecution throughout the ages. It is often thought of as dirty, in appropriate for some people. Religion and societal norms tend to cause the most problems. We teach our youth to abstain and make them Feel really bad when hormones take control and they lose control. Religion even chastises, denounce and ignore you; to the point you never feel comfortable again, even if you "repent". Now really how is this productive. Not everyone bounces back from that sort of thing, so tell me what we have done. We have damaged self-esteem and driven them away and have taken away their social group.
You can't discuss sex without discussing birth control, well I guess you could but it goes along for me. Some religions discourage it and at the same time encourage a strong bond between husband and wife. So, you have to decide between birth control and sex. And if you decide, you want birth control and sex and have NO children then you are again persecuted. If you decide to use no birth control and have sex regularly, you can end up with a house full of kids. And I can speak from personal experience they persecute you for having that house full. One other thing, people need to procreate or we could become extinct or a planet of old people. So what is a couple to do, and yes I would prefer my children being in a monogamous relationship BUT I am a realist at this point in my life.
Sex is a personal choice, it is no one else's business, except when someone needs to understand what is going on in their lives. There are some people who like it, some that don't, some that it isn't an important part of their lives and their are some that it is a staple in their life.
So sex is here to stay, I think where the problem comes in is the way people talk about. Sex is used as crude jokes, as an obscenity and as a tool to control people. Until we as a people learn to talk about ALL those taboo subjects, in an honest and open way our society will continue it's path. Their are people out there struggling with problems in their lives because of sex and they have no one to talk to.

Double Nickel Bday

2011-03-09T20:55:00.001-06:00

Well, mom how did you end up with such old children? March 10 will be my birthday, then later this month my baby brother turns 50, then in April my other brother turns 51 and in Sept. the baby girl turns 41. Man, mom you are old :? Mom called me for my birthday, to wish me a Happy Birthday and tell me she is not old :)
So what have I done and seen in my life?
I have seen gas go from 30 cents a gallon when I first started driving to $3.35 a gallon now.
I saw the Vietnam war and had a POW bracelet and my POW made it home.
I saw a Vice-President and President resign from office.
I have gone from being very conventional to very unconventional (I blame Dad because he taught me to question everything).
I have had friends come and go and some who just hang in there with me.
I have seen the death of all my grandparents.
I have seen the death of my father and father-in-law, a son and granddaughter.
I still have a great mother and a loving mother-in-law.
I have 12 wonderful children who I love but don't always like.
I have a gaggle of grandchildren, most of whom I have seen born.
I have been there to welcome a few children to this world.
I have studied a myriad of things and so far have not mastered anything.
But one of my greatest gifts has been the man who married me over 36 years ago. He has been kind and understanding, supportive and generous, but has always loved me through thick and thin.
Life has its good and bads, its ups and downs but I am still here for at least another day :)

Raw Truth

2011-02-24T12:23:00.002-06:00

Dear Children:
   Let me start out by saying there isn't one of your personalities I would have wanted to miss out on and I love you very much. What I am about to say I hope you take to heart and evaluate your lives. I know some of you are saying "Great, how old are my kids now?" (Since my oldest grandson will be 19 this year.)
   I have failed you, possibly by having so many of you (mom, no I told you sos). I have been laying here thinking on this for a bit of time. I feel that I have plenty of love for all of you. I just didn't apply enough time to you individually. I remember when I first started homeschooling. I read a book called "Homeschooling in Excellence". It was about this family (who only had 2 sons) that were unschoolers. The parents provided books, materials and experiences for their sons to learn and they excelled. Where I failed is I didn't provide enough motivation. I have always known how smart you kids were, but I never managed to get you to apply yourselves. Why?? That is the question, my lack of self-esteem, lack of motivation, exhaustion; I am really unsure. I am apologizing and pray you can forgive me. And motivate yourselves to be better at life than your mother has been. Make a plan, you can change your mind but be active in life.
   So here are my words of wisdom: Those of you who have children, love them, motivate them and push them to be all they can be (why is that familiar :) Try not to get so frustrated that you crawl in a hole and ignore what is going on around you. Ask for help for those that can help you. But know that in the end, it will be up to your children, what path they take. We, as parents just have to be the best we can!

My Love to All of My Children and Grandchildren

both natural and adopted

Addendum: Our children ultimately choose their own paths, but we as parents can't help feeling guilty about our actual and perceived mistakes!

Sardis and Job

2011-02-10T18:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I am back in Sardis.
I spent the first week running around, then promptly got the cold that was in the house.
I have done some running and visiting this week. I will be ending the week with a visit to a new doctor. Hopefully, I will like this one.
If I haven't visited yet I will soon.
I am looking for a job. Right now, it will just be one until Mid-May. Then after Labor day, I will need something that is Sunday through Thursday nights or Monday through Friday days. Something that will provide between 30 and 40 hours a week. But here is the thing, I need a job that is after Labor Day (September) through Mid-May year after year. Because Dan and I have a commitment to work summer camps, as long as we are able. And it will give a a bit of time before and after camps to spend with our families. So if anyone hears of something let me know!

Dream the Impossible Dream

2011-01-24T21:26:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is.
I guess I perceived myself living the following life and it hasn't happened and I doubt it ever will. Why, because I am weak, I can't follow through and because I just get lost.

Living on 10 or more acres in a roomy but self-reliant home. Having cows, goats, chickens, turkeys and various farm critters and growing their feed. Growing all my own food, making my own cheeses and all foods from scratch. Having multiple herb gardens, harvesting, drying and making my own tinctures and salves. Having a room where I could weave, quilt and make all manner of whatever. Having the knowledge to be a master gardener, an herbalist and a good midwife. Being available to serve women and their young families, being a resource to others. I envision myself as abit of a hippie, not bending to the ways of man or government, being myself.

I know this is a really strange post. And it probably won't be the last, while I am on my quest.

Gaining Understanding

2011-01-23T19:00:00.002-06:00

I haven't completely come to an understanding but I am getting there.

I have always thought, I believed "don't let bad things in life control you, get over it and move on; don't let it move you". I do sort of believe it, but I am coming to realize that believing and reality are two different things.

I am gaining an understanding of how much of an effect the deaths of loved ones has consumed me.

How I haven't let go, of things concerning these people.

How it has affected my behavior.

How it has affected my health.

And how I where I am at this point in my life.

1979

The first death that had a major impact on me was my father's. My dad died 32 years ago in March. I was pregnant with our daughter, Jennifer (our 3rd child). I remember a conversation, he and I had many, many years previous; when my cat, Princess died. He asked me, "If you are crying this much for a cat, what will you do when I die?" The answer was, is and continues to be cry alot! But there is also, alot of regret surrounding my father's death. My parents lived about an hour south of us. The weekend before he died, my brother-in-law was in town, we could have gone down to visit. But two weeks before that, my dad and I had a fight. It was really something silly, especially in the grand scheme of things but none the less, I didn't want to be around him. I never told him enough that I loved him, we butted heads alot. I hate that our last words were less than loving. I regret understanding I had no control in this, but regret that he only saw 2 of my 12 children on this earth.

That same year, Dan's grandfather died and I was due within a month; so we didn't go up to the funeral. I have always regretted Dan not getting to go up for the funeral. But he wasn't going without me.

Then two months later in that same year, my grandfather was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The navy pulled Dan home and gave him emergency leave so we went to MS. Things went well, he got to see and hold Jennifer.

1980

Just over a year later, the tumor was back and again, we were on our way to MS. Things looked good so back home we went. Within hours of getting home, we received the call that my grandfather had died. So I flew back with my mom, leaving Dan behind with 3 kids and pregnant with George. My granddaddy was very special to me and it was so hard to think of the world without him. But at least, I did have positive times. No regrets just great sadness.

Many years passed before I had to deal with death on such a personal level. But the next death would be devastating to me.

1995

It would be the death of my almost born son, Andrew. Andrew was due during December. He would be our 11th child, he would be our 3rd unassisted homebirth in MS. I have struggled for many years and still do with feelings of guilt, that maybe I could have done something differently and we would not have lost him. I mean after all, I heard them people whispering it. So it was planted in my brain, in my heart and I sort of believed it. I regretted his death but even more I regretted events that happened afterwards. I pretty much shut down, then I buried myself in my religion, and I tried to keep busy and I ignored all the things inside me. When I became pregnant again, I was fearful. I miscarried 9 months to the day after Andrew was born (a blighted ovum). So I just had hormonal stuff to deal with, not so much grief. But since I had had a vision before Andrew was born of a stocking with the name Bethany on it; I knew another child was to come. I regret the anxiety I felt during my pregnancy with Bethany. And her birth was rough but I felt complete and done, when she was born. From Andrew's death, I have not only regretted his death, but the lack of attention I gave my family during those years following.

Death would not revisit my door for many more years. But it to would be devastating to me. I am only now realizing how much it has affected the decisions I have been making and lack of action on the behalf of my family. Unlike before, I found no solace in my religion for the deaths that would affect me.

2006

Brought the death of my granny, of course the 3 years prior to her death were hard. I was sort of coming out of Andrew's death, then she had to have bypass surgery. My family tried to care for her, but were unequipped to care for the changes in her life. She had always been very active and now couldn't do much. It was decided that she would go to a nursing home. A decision I have so long regretted, because she really went downhill at that point. This is my life, I always am wondering should I have hung on alittle longer and things would improve. My Granny and Granddaddy meant so much to me and are greatly missed.

2008

My granddaughter, Maggie was born with Trisomy 18. It was a miracle, she was even born alive.

A good, dear friend died. He wasn't even 40 and was helping his mother with the sudden passing of his father. He was dedicated to helping youth in our Scouting family, in large part because his sweet wife of less than 5 years supported him. He played a large part in helping my own children. To see my son processing his death, to see his sweet wife going through this. It was so hard to understand.

Then Maggie's day came to pass from this world. Then my heart was ripped out, to know my daughter would be dealing with this inconsolable pain and to see another child leave this earth. It was more than I could bare and brought back so much pain in my own heart.

2009

My brother-in-law, who was exactly 1 year younger than my dear husband, Dan died. This brought on much anxiety about my dear husband. Thoughts of what would I do if I lost him. At this point, I quit sleeping well.

Then my cousin, almost 10 years younger than myself passed, leaving his sweet wife, a handicapped son and 2 beautiful daughters. It was so hard to watch his daughters struggle so with his death.

2010

My father-in-law passed from this earth. I watched the family handle this each in their own way. I saw their pain. I felt pain because I dearly loved him.

2011

So here I am, looking back at all of this, and assessing it all and realizing many things.

Realizing that I shut my daughters out during their last pregnancies, because I couldn't let it hurt again.

Realizing I busy myself or I hide myself according to how much I can deal with and my family has been the one to suffer because I have not done what Really Needed to be Done.

Realizing that my health issues are related to my not processing my life events in a good way.

Realizing how much my family means to me.

But the bad thing is I still have no Real direction just alot of realization that hurts.

Friends and family, I am sorry for any and all stress and pain I have caused you over the past few year. I wish I could say it is over, but I honestly don't know how to heal at the moment, but I am working on it.

I love you all and I know you have supported me in the best way that you could and probably the only way I would let you.

Love to you all!

New Year 2011

2011-01-01T10:55:00.000-06:00

Who knows what it will bring?????
I know last year this time, I never would have expected Dan to be jobless. I was prepared for my father-in-laws death; because his health went downhill the Thanksgiving before. I never expected Dan and I to work and survive BSA Summer Camp, but we did. I never expected changes that I would be so unsure about, but they have happened also.
So right now, I know not what to expect.
I know that I am currently employed. My first real hours start tomorrow.
I am living apart from my better half. Which is proving much harder than I expected.
I am trying desperately to find what direction Dan and I need to go in, because I feel that we have not always thought it through. I feel we have gone the directions, we were swept.
I so miss old friendships, but I am not ready to form new.
I appreciate the support I am being given (you know who you are) and the love so many have for me and mine.
So we will see about the whats, wheres, whos, whys and how comes our life will take.
I am relying on the inner strength of Dan/I to know what is right and do it.

New Grandbaby Coming

2010-12-27T11:49:00.000-06:00

Well Jen gave David a present, or should I say David give Jen a Christmas present.

This will be number 5 for them, Dan and I are happy for them.

Realization

2010-12-26T16:01:00.000-06:00

After being with Dan for 36 years, I am not whole without him.
I love just being with him.
I doing things with him and I love doing nothing WITH him.
Living apart right now, is really hard.
We are at a crossroads and must decide where and how we want to live.
We must decide what commitments we really what part of our lives.
We must decide what our commitments really are????
Who would think at 54 and 61, we would be going through such a change.
And I know some of our children wish we weren't.
But life is what it is...evolving and ever changing or just plain boring!
Love to all.

Christmas

2010-12-25T10:19:00.000-06:00

Well, this has been a truly different but similar Christmas this year.
Thanks to Tiffany and her husband, Kimball... Dan was able to come to Clarksville for Christmas.

So on Christmas Eve, we had Christmas dinner here with Jen, while in Sardis the rest of the family had Christmas dinner at Tiff's house.
I miss those in Sardis, but am enjoying Jen's family.

Of course, the best thing for me is to see Dan. I am not whole without him.
The bad news is I got the cold everyone else has been passing around. So I am not feeling 100%.

The good news or interesting news is It snowed, this is our first white Christmas in 21 years. The funny thing is Sardis, also got snow. I was woke up to the cell phone ringing, it was a dear friend who is due in 2 weeks. Her water had broke, I was her midwife for 2 of her previous children and just a friend in attendance for her last. Praying she has a good and easy birth today, knowing her though she will wait until 5 am on the 26th.

More good news is we will be grandparents again in August of 2011. The hint on who, I saw the pregnancy test this morning.

15 Years Ago

2010-12-22T14:29:00.000-06:00

As I type this post, it was 15 years ago that I realized Andrew had died in my womb. It feels so far away, yet hurts so much. Tomorrow is the day of his birth.
To see Andrew's story refer back to December last year.

December

2010-12-20T17:53:00.000-06:00

Well, Mary, Bethany and myself moved up to Jen's.
We are currently living in her basement.
I have been applying to as many jobs as I can.
I am employed with the RGIS inventory company. It remains to be seen how well it will work. I should be able to get a second job.
Bethany will be going back to Sardis with her father. So I can get into a routine.
Missing my husband very much. Remembering those years in the service and how much I hated deployments.
Keep us in your prayers that a plan unfolds.

November

2010-12-20T17:48:00.000-06:00

What can I say it came and went!
I prepped for my move up to Jen's.

October

2010-11-16T13:00:00.000-06:00

I spent half of October visiting family. The trip was made by Mary, Abby, Bethany and myself. Leaving the guys at home to do for themselves.

I left here on the 3rd, heading to Hixson, TN (just outside Chattanooga) to visit my little sister, Tracy and her son, Justin. Justin and the girls had a good time together. I got in a short visit with my sister. The visit all around was too short. I got to meet Tracy's beau, Kyle.

Then we were off to Lunenburg, VA were my mom lives. We spent a week there. The girls all quilted a blanket or two. After they sewed all the pieces together, they got to use Mom's big quilting machine. All blankets turned out well. My brother, Chris and his wife, Denise came up for the long weekend. Then the baby brother, David popped in for a short visit. We cleaned out some junk Mom needed taken care of. I ended up way overloaded with stuff, if I had towed the trailer, I still would have been overloaded (who am I kidding). During the week, I got to meet some of Mom's friends. I didn't inherit my people skills from my Mom, which is too bad for me.

Next we were off to see daughter, Jennifer and her family. We spent a few days there. Left part of the stuff I had acquired at Mom's. Getting alittle smarter in my old age.

The trip was too short in some parts and too long in others (driving). We got to see the lovely fall colors of the mountains in VA and TN. I was feeling less than 100% (who am I kidding less than 60%) the BP meds still have not stabilized and I gotten an infection of some kind on the side of my face (it was very painful).

Then, of course, I was exhausted from traveling and promptly got sick.

The MS families gathered on Halloween night for a meal and fun. The kids decorated cookies and bobbed for apples. A good time was had by all.

One of these days, I will put pics on the blog, but sadly not today.

Christmas Countdown and all the Stuff that comes With IT!

2010-09-18T13:03:00.000-05:00

I meant to do a post on 100 days till Christmas; but my migraines cause me to lose track of things.

So we are at 98 days till Christmas....what are you doing to prepare?

Christmas is a most fabulous time of year but it is the most stressful for me. Why?

Because it has become so materialistic and to be perfectly honest; I would love to be able to give my children and grandchildren lavish gifts. But reality is there are 11 children and 17 grandchildren, plus Dan and I and parents (which is sadly dwindling). Don't be surprised if it is a homemade gift.

I love to decorate but then lose steam. So I went to the doctor yesterday, in an effort to find out what of all the things I am feeling are stress and which are organic. And hopefully, fix things.

So what am I doing to prepare for Christmas.

Starting Monday, we will declutter things. Many things will go, many things must be done and hopefully the result will be a cleaner and happier home.

Then Mary and I will sit and plan out some things. Her and I have already been looking at foods and ideas. I would love to experiment but the family will revolt...they are very stuck in there ways. The woman in the family are doing an ornament exchange, as none of the guys signed up :(

PLAN of Attack...at the moment :)

As far as Christmas, itself, we will have a Big Family Dinner Christmas Eve, where we will share a meal and exchange gifts.
Then on Christmas Day, we will go to the movies. We did this last year and it was a blast....I was really surprised by how many people go to the movie on Christmas Day.

Trip to Philmont

2010-09-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

As many of you may know Nick left Camp Yocona heading for Philmont Scout Ranch in Cimmaron, NM; immediately after Camp Yocona season ended.
So he was gone on July 10th and I didn't see him again until Sept 3rd.

So we left here on the 1st of September. We (Dan, myself, Bethany, Abby, Nate and Mary) in the Explorer with a trailer in tow to get Nick. At first we were making fair time, but by the end of the day, we were behind. We always seemed to stop longer than we should have. The kids really had alot of fun at Petit Jean State Park in Arkansas. I must admit Nate made me abit nervous in his climbing exploits. It was a beautiful view. They also had a cave and some rock formations that sort of made a cave. And rocks that looked like the backs of turtles. It seems I am collecting turtles now. I got 2 at the gift shop. Maggie is a turtle clan and our OA lodge mascot is a turtle, so turtles now. Not to mention the 2 adult box turtles, 2 yearling box turtles and 1 slider that I still have from being the Ecology Director at Camp Yocona this year. I digress.

So the next day, we set out needing to make up some time but still wanting to see stuff. We got to Oklahoma and the first Nation is Cherokee. How can we not stop??? We went up to Sequoyah's homestead in OK. And stopped at a store. Well, we didn't quite make it as far in that day either. But no worries, we didn't have to be a Philmont until noon. We made it to Amarillo, TX; plenty of time to get to Philmont, the next day.

Next day, we get on rode really early so we wouldn't have a problem and maybe stop alittle. Then the text message came; I probably will be done by 10:30. Okay, so no stopping and put our foot into it. We get there by 9:30 and it ends up being almost noon before he is done. OH well....

Nick takes us around abit, of course, we can't go out where he actually worked. Because they drove him out about an hour, then he had to hike in 4 miles. We saw around base camp and the landmarks. Then we decided to go up to Colorado, to say we went there. The Explorer didn't like the mountains so we made it short.

The rest of the trip was a bit rushed and it was my fault. I didn't plan well, got frustrated for a multitude of reasons. We basically drove straight back.

We got to see the West (which is too brown for my tastes).
We got to see Pranghorn Antelope on the side of the roads and in the fields, just like we see White-tailed Deer here.
We got to see Nick and bring him back and listen to his stories and adventures at Philmont.

He is home and plans to go back next year to work and take his brothers with him. Abby is going as part of a Council Crew right after summer camp 2011.

So that was our big trip out west.

Begin Too Long

2010-09-15T10:31:00.000-05:00

Sorry it has been so long since a post. I will work on a post longer post later.
To be honest only a few things have been going on.
Grand Jury Duty...hate knowing what is going on in the county and how stupid people are.
Picking up Nick at Philmont in NM....post on that later.
Alittle bit of scouting...just meetings.
A 21st Birthday...Nate is now a legal adult, only 3 more to go.
Later.

What NOW!

2010-08-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

Well, to be perfectly honest, I spent yesterday very upset and emotional (i.e. crying).
I didn't go to the OA Ordeal because of it. I feel embarrassed crying in front of people. Even my own family.
So I went to bed by 7:30 (with the TV on). I was wiped out.
So, I am at the point WHAT NOW?
I was asked if I might consider going back to Birthwork. The answer is NO. I will be there for my daughters and granddaughters, but not for strangers. I love Birthwork, but I am unwilling to expose myself (and it is all about me) to the standards of man for a God-given talent. I know many feel I am not properly using what God gave me. I am sorry you feel that way. But if I feel uncomfortable, I believe it is not right.

So, I am back to WHAT NOW?
I don't know what door will open... I do know I feel best outdoors and connecting with the earth and nature. I don't know if I will stay or go, learn according to man's terms or in another direction, I don't know.
I will be honest, I need a plan. I have become more rigid in that way.

So I guess what I am saying is NO ONE needs to be hurt by what direction I go; just understand it will be the direction that doors open for me.

Bad Day

2010-08-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

After 2.5 days of running around trying to get enrolled in college.
I find out, I can't go.
Because I can't afford it.
Supporting 9 people on less than 60k last year was too much money to qualify for financial aid. Even with an unemployed husband.
The system, ugh.
A friend on Facebook "wonders what new door will open" that is a good question.
I need to run away alone in the woods.

Reality of it ALL

2010-08-11T15:59:00.000-05:00

The reality of it ALL is I am a dreamer.
I think I really try to do the things, I dream about. But they rarely happen, because I get stalled. I am trying desperately to figure out just what stalls me.
I know part of it is my brain, I get frustrated and overwhelmed (why can I never spell that word). And then I just start shutting down.
That is where I am at today (Daisy don't call or anyone else, not even you mom, please). There are just too many decisions too make, too many things to figure out and no energy to do it with.
I know that I am where I am because of past decisions and I can't change the past. But how do I stop this horrible pattern I am in.
I am middle aged (hopefully) and don't feel I have accomplished much.
Sorry for the downer, but it is where I am.

Changes MUST be Made

2010-08-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

Well, this has probably been coming to a head, well most of my life. I have felt unsettled and out of control and NO long term goals.
The household is going to have to change.
How???? Some things are simple, some are not BUT all can be accomplished, if we just stop being lazy.
Cerveny Household Goals
Figure out the College things
  1. I will need to enroll at NorthWest Community College for at least on semester, so that I can transfer to Mississippi State University. I know many may think midwifery or something similar, but NOT. I am looking at something in Environmental Science/Ecology area, possibly Forestry/Fish and Wildlife Management.
  2. Dan wants to see about CLEP, Life Experience and Military Training applied to a degree.
  3. Children need to do the prep necessary if they want to go to college.
  4. This is the biggy, financing it.
Improve, Simplify and De-Clutter our Lives
  1. Clear out the house of "Stuff"
  2. Clear off the property.
  3. Decide what activities are truly priorities for us. And purge the ones we are not that committed too.
  4. Eat Healthier (possibly growing some and hopefully most of our food).
  5. Exercise (set goals and become physically fit)

My OA Ordeal Weekend

2010-08-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

There was much debate about me going through the ordeal. And the debate was largely with me, myself and I.
I questioned becoming a member because many men, don't really want women in the OA or scouting.
I questioned because I hate politics, and there is politics.
I questioned because I don't know why I deserved the honor.
I questioned because I feel it is a strong commitment and am unsure still if I have the time or energy.
I questioned because how do I keep my mouth shut, when I see leaders not allowing it to be youth lead as it is suppose to be.
In the end, it came down to Ben went through alot to get me tapped out. Many of the young men, I have grown to love over the past couples years were thrilled it happened. How could I let them down?
So I did it. It was worth it in the end because I proved to myself I could do it.
There was happy and sad about it. As with all things. There were people there I hold dear and there were people who were not able to be there. One of those being Nick.
I was grateful for the rain but not until the next day. We worked outside in the rain (off and on rain) all day. Our ordeal group accomplished quite a bit. I was soaked to the skin. I feel I pulled my share of the load. I feel I can improve upon my skills. I hope to be at the ordeal coming up, so that I can be an Elangomat and set the example.
I said I was grateful for the rain. Well, the next day, the sun shone bright. And the brighter and longer into the day it got, the hotter it got. I know that the rain was a blessing, because I could not have worked as hard in the heat.
We will see were this adventure will take me.

Summer Saga Continues -- Boy Scout Camp Weeks 1-4

2010-08-08T18:02:00.001-05:00

Well, as it would happen Week 1 and 2 were our largest groups and the hottest two weeks in June.
Each week there are 3 campfires (I know it is summer -- hot and doesn't get dark till almost 9).
Sunday night is the Staff campfire. Each program area has to do a skit and then introduce ourselves. Ecology and Handicraft did one together. Because there were 3 of us in Ecology and 2 in Handicraft. Our skit was "Gone Fishing". On the 4th week, we (our family and Crew) were blessed with a special treat. Thane Williams had his Eagle Court of Honor. We also had some wonderful fireworks for the 4th of July. It wasn't as much fun as watching my knothead sons run around shooting off fireworks but it was a good job.

Wednesday night is the OA (Order of the Arrow) Campfire. It is were the OA Dance and Drum Team put on a small show and then the "tap out or call out" ceremony happens. This is were they pull people from the crowd, who have been voted on in their units as worthy to be part of the Honor Society. The first week was a big surprise for me. It seems Ben had quietly got my paperwork done. His dad was told just before campfire (Dan had to stand behind me with an OA sash). And Nate was one of the guys getting the candidates, so when Nate saw his Dad behind me, he broke neck to come get me. I had my head down listening to the music and Nate startled me when he touched my hands and whispered "Come with me. Mom". It has be threatened for years to get me in OA but hadn't happened, so I was shocked to say the least. I held back the tears, because for me, "it is an honor to be tapped out". Nate led me to the chiefs, there I stood in front of Malachi Baggett, who was in character...tall and serious and he tapped me on the shoulder 3 times. Then I moved to Aaron Williams, who was also serious but had a smile in his eyes for me. Next was Austin Wheeler, he couldn't hide a smile (he is one of the young men I have really come to love and spoil during camp). Each of these young men tapped me 3 times and then I was placed in a line to wait to be lead up to the Triple C for an intro to OA (info about ordeals). The only sad part was Nick was not there, he had paperwork to do and didn't know. Ben strutted around like a proud peacock. Most people were shocked that I wasn't already OA.
Then on the 4th week, Thane Williams, Michael Dozier, Aaron Williams, Nick, John Ray and Stephanie Clausel were tapped out for Vigil, which is the highest honor in OA. It was a very proud moment for me. When Nick was chosen Nate carried the arrow and Ben quietly (ninja) behind in the dark and Nate/Ben broke the arrow on Nick's shoulder together. It was quite the shock, because usually 1 person takes the arrow in two hands and breaks it singly. But since both Nate and Ben are Vigil, they could do it together. Nick, Thane and Michael are all considered family and members of Crew 48 (our crew which Nick helped form and is the advisor for).

Friday night campfire is where the Troops do a skit (if they want) and awards are given. Not much really to say about that.

As far as our daily routine, we had flag to start the day, then breakfast.
We had 6 sessions (50 minutes each) except Environmental Science which is 2 straight sessions twice a day.
We did 3 sessions between breakfast and lunch; LUNCH then 3 between lunch and dinner.
We had flag and then dinner and then evening activities.
After dinner, we had to prep for campfires or we had a night off (1 night from 5-11) or we gathered as a staff (didn't attend all of them).

We had so many people the first 2 weeks, that there was no room for staff to eat in the dining hall. We ate under tents or in admin. I finally just pack a sandwich and fruit and ate in my program area for lunch. It gave me extra quiet time.

The last week of camp, we had so few boys that some of the staff were let go. I got to teach Environmental Science. I had two small classes and really enjoyed it.
The first 2 weeks were hard because of the heat and the large classes. We had 3 classes running under 1 pavilion. It was stressful and fun. I worried about the boys and animals getting too overheated. Those 2 weeks, we had no rain. We could hear and see the clouds all around us, but no rain for us. We finally started getting abit of rain over the next 2 weeks.

For the most part, I was with Dan when staff was together. We interacted alittle bit, but most of the staff is mid-20's to 15. It was fun to watch them and my children interact.

I found that for the most part I enjoyed teaching 11-18 year old boys. I would love to find more interesting ways to teach some of the classes. Less than a month to prepare and a busy month at that, was not enough time. I taught Forestry, Fish & Wildlife Management/Mammal Study, Nature, Weather, Fishing and Energy. Allysen Rayburn taught Reptile/Amphibian Study, Bird Study, Fish & Wildlife Management/Mammal Study, Nature, Insect Study. John Peter Ford taught Environmental Science (first 3 weeks) and Soil & Water Conservation. Josh Kelly taught Astronomy for us.

I didn't lose as much weight as I hoped, in spite of the heat. I didn't walked as much as I planned. I found that by the second week, my knees were not liking Ecology hill. Yes, I know it also leads to COPE but I name things the way I see them. It mainly hurts going downhill and still does. Our driveway and going to the growing area (would love to call it a garden but it is a weed patch) are the same angle. Between 5 weeks of going up and down Ecology hill and the hills/trails going to Council Ring. I am unsure of what is going on with my knees, mainly my left one.

I feel like there is much more to say, I can't think at the moment. Have slight migraine, shouldn't be doing this, oh well.

I do want to add that I acquired alot more sons (young men and not as young men on staff) I am honored that they view me that way and I would like to think a daughter also. I got to know a few people better and have grown to love them also; and not just because I have to. It was an honor and a privilege to work at Camp Yocona this summer.

Next blog will be about my OA Ordeal...yes, I went through it!

Then a post of the future outlook or hopes and dreams for our family.

The Summer Saga Continues -- Staff Week

2010-07-27T14:50:00.002-05:00

This year at Camp Yocona, there were alot of Cerveny's on Staff.
I was the Ecology Director. Dan went to National Camp School and was a Range Safety Officer and taught Rifle/Muzzleloading merit badge. Nick was a COPE Director and Climbing Director. Nate ended up being the Delta Discovery Director (1900's area) and taught MetalWorking (on a forge with an anvil). Ben was in the Outdoor Skills Area (Backpacking, Camping, etc.) Abigail was in Handicrafts.
Staff week is about getting camp and the program areas ready for the campers. There was a major moving project this year, so the guys really worked hard. They moved some unused pavilions to the Polaris area (1st year campers). They also had to get the Delta Discovery area started, it will be an ongoing project at Camp Yocona. I mainly cleaned and mowed grass.
In the Ecology Program area, we had to get the displays setup. We had turtles, snakes, lizards, and frogs of all kinds. In Ecology, we taught 13 merit badges. There were 3 of us.
The weather started warming up and we should have known what was to come.
It was also the beginning of the up at 5:45 and not going to bed till way too late (11 or 12) some nights (not so much staff week).
More to come.....

Young Women Camp the beginning of Our Summer Camp Saga

2010-07-27T14:37:00.000-05:00

Well, Young Women's Camp went really well.
It was sad, not having Calvin Goodale as Dan's sidekick and my little brother.
Cathy Snow and I work well together, so it makes for smooth running kitchen for the most part. We can't control the upkeep of the kitchen before we get there. Girls and leaders seem to enjoy the food. And that is the important part.
It was a long week because I didn't sleep well for whatever reason. It was warm but not as hot as it could have been.
The dates of camp caused the family not to have the traditional Memorial Day cookout.
Abby received the "White Rose" Award, which is voted on by her peers as the Young Women in her group, who served as the most Christlike example. I was very proud.
We packed to leave from YW camp and headed straight to Camp Yocona (Boy Scout Camp). We unload some things and then went to the house to unload and get a few more things. We attended Jamie's birthday party and went back to Yocona.

I'm Back

2010-07-21T13:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I am back from YW camp and Boy Scout Camp and my OA Ordeal weekend.
I will work on posting the goings on of the summer.
Big things, Nick is at Philmont working as a Climbing Instructor. I got tapped out for OA (Order of the Arrow) and have survived the Ordeal.
Get back to you later, promise.

Prep as BSA Ecology Director

2010-05-14T16:04:00.000-05:00

Life in prep for BSA Camp Ecology is getting interesting.

We now have 4 feeder/breeder white mice (ahh so cute, but food), 2 earth snakes, 3ft speckled king snake, 2 aquatic turtles and 3 box turtles;

Plus household pets of 1 hamster, 2 cockatiels, 1 pregnant rat terrier type dog and 1 great dane. Still looking at acquiring more snakes, some lizards, toads and frogs.

Not sure about the insect study part yet.

In To May

2010-05-09T09:14:00.000-05:00

Well, May seems to be not starting so good for many folks.
The first weekend of May brought rain and more rain and rain; not a nice gentle spring rain either. Torrential downpours that cost a few their lives, many their homes, roads and their places of employment. The effects were felt into the next week. Leaving me stranded at home, not because I had high water or damage. But because Clarksville, TN had so many problems. I was suppose to go up and spend a couple days with Jen and her family in celebration of what would be Maggie's 2nd birthday. Each day I hoped but there was no hope and then my schedule got full.
Tensions are running high, I am feeling overwhelmed, really could have used that visit with Jen.
The first weekend in May was also Camp Yocona Staff training. I had applied back before Dan got laid off. I was officially hired as Ecology Director. So that means for 4 weeks, myself and 2 youth will be teaching 12 merit badges. So I have spent the week off and on out at camp, trying to figure out ways to improve the Ecology area. Ecology has a bad rep; it has been boring. So the job is to make it fun. We will be teaching things like reptile/amphibian study, bird study, insect study, mammal study, fishing, fish/wildlife management (get that picture); then we have environmental science, forestry, astronomy, nature, energy, weather and soil/water conservation. So the challenge begins.
At the beginning of this week, when I went to Curves I found out I had lost very little weight but had lost 5 inches total. Of course, in this imperfect world I live in, 2 of those inches were from where I didn't want to lose. But the other 3 were the reason I can get into 1 size down on my jeans. I also had them change my workout. I am now doing the Plus Personalized routine, which will be a much harder and a more intense workout. I need to increase my stamina before camp.
I guess that is about it.

Curves

2010-04-30T10:13:00.001-05:00

Well, I haven't made it as often as I wanted or needed to.
But I am seeing results, this morning I put on a pair of jeans that are 1 size smaller.
Slow but steady wins the race, only 5 or 6 more sizes to go.
Off to Camp Yocona Staff training.

April is almost gone

2010-04-27T19:37:00.000-05:00

Well, somehow life has speed on by.

I can't seem to stay at home.

Trying to get this, that and the other thing done.

Kids going rock climbing at Tishimingo State Park (a couple of times), getting driver's licenses, renewing learner's permits, getting new permits, opening checking accounts...man that does include the home stuff.

Working on our garden beds, trying to get them sunlight via cutting down trees; starting herb seeds; starting new herb gardens in the shape of medicine wheel (facing closely to the 4 directions); cleaning up the property and household chores.

Then on to prepping for YW camp, BSA camp (6 out of the 9 of us are teaching).

Frustrations of not finding our path for the rest of our life yet.

No real routine yet, with Dan home, I am not always sure what day it is.

Blessed that all we had was severe wind and rain; whereas others in our state were devastated by tornadoes.

Hopefully, I will get focused soon and blog more...but don't hold your breath, I would hate to be responsible for someones death :)

Wishing the best to all.

No Dream Job

2010-04-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

Well, the supposed door that was opened when Dan was laid off. Did not led to his dream job which had opened up.
I got the bad news this evening. I still have to tell him. It will be hard. This man has worked for 35 years supporting the family by doing what he had to. I, so wanted this for him because it would have made him happier, and healthier.
Well, the limbo is over and now we both need to look at our options.

April Is Here

2010-04-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

Well, in many ways March was a lost month.
We never got into a routine of Dan being home.
Dan and I went to Jackson, MS to attend a meeting about helping get a law for midwifery. We stayed the night and then meandered our way home the next day.
Most things are pretty status quo, meetings and activities.
Nick went rock climbing with council friends in Jackson Falls, IL. Nick, Nate, Ben, Daniel II and a friend are going to Tishomingo this weekend to climb. Nick evidently is a natural climber and makes it look graceful. We will see how the other guys like it.
We did take the girls to the Memphis Zoo one day, all day. I had gone to Curves the day before and then went back when Tiff signed up. So 2 workouts in one day, then at the zoo from 10-5. The next day, I was tired.
So I guess that is about all.

Last Week -- Still Ill and Started Unemployment This Week

2010-03-02T19:07:00.000-06:00

Well, again this past week, I was unable to go to Curves. I managed to help run the kids to where ever and some of the grocery shopping. But alas, just didn't have the breathe to do the exercise machines. Coughing and mucous have reduced and breathing has improved. So maybe tomorrow.
This week started off with a bang or thud, not sure which yet.
Before I could get out the door to go "try" Curves. Dan called and said "I quit". Now he does this on a regular basis. Then he told me the truth. He was called on his way to work and told to come to the office. When he got to the office, bam without warning, he was laid off. He was on his way home with one of the guys from the office, to empty his work van of his personal tools and stuff. So now we have joined the ranks of the unemployed in this country. What are we going to do? That is the big question.
This could mean a move...we will see. This could mean me working and cutting back on things. This could mean self-employment. All of our options are being looked at. But no matter what, it will mean changes for everyone in our household. Some may be easy but I figure most will be hard.

LEAVE BIRTH and PERSONAL FREEDOMS ALONE

2010-02-24T15:58:00.000-06:00

I am almost 54 years old and very tired of controlling people or institutions.
There is a battle brewing in our state. It is about WHO can practice Midwifery and WHO should oversee it.
Who are the WHOs? It is the insurance companies and medical professional organizations. They are the ones WHO stand to lose when someone chooses to homebirth. The parents don't lose. Even in a extremely tough labor, when a homebirth occurs it is a triumph. Yes, when it fails it is a soul searching experience. But even in a hospital when things don't go a planned it is a soul searching experience. That is what life is, searching and finding answers.
Let me tell you, it is a PARENTS responsibility to decide the whens, hows, wheres and whoms of THEIR family. It is not the responsibility of the STATE. It is not the responsibility of my neighbor or the woman down the street or the doctor in town to tell me what to do with my life or the lives of my children. Yes, I know there are abuses and there are people who choose unwisely. I have had contact with a few in my life. And some may even consider many of my choices wrong, but they are MY choices made between my husband and myself. And many of my poor choice stem from me not inflicting my will and dreams on others.
This battle has been raging since the '70s when women started saying "NO" to the typical birthing environment. Medical regulation probably started with the AMA, after all that is when alternative healing started being squashed. We are the product of many generations of women birthing without men or doctors. Yes babies and mothers died just as they do now. The mortality rates are not and have not improved during the time of my childbearing years for all of the medical claims it would.
Yes, there are risks in pregnancy and birth. But there are unknown risks to me walking up to my car, to getting in said car and driving somewhere. If a parent is truly "INFORMED" of the risks, which includes disclosure of the birth attendants skills; and they choose her and home. LEAVE THEM ALONE. They are the ones who have to live with the choices made. I am sure that most hospitals/doctors do not disclose the risks "they" present. They think they have it under control. But the truth is they are not the ones in control. They have mothers and babies who die.
More times than not when personal freedoms start being regulated it is because a "Special Interest" group wants the money or prestige involved in the event.
I believe that if I practice midwifery without making sure that a family fully knows what training or expericence I have THEN I am infringing on their personal freedoms. They cannot be fully aware of the riskes. If I tell all then they are assuming the risks and know in their hearts what they want.
All of my births have been made knowing my options at the time. I am not saying they have always been what I planned or dreamed of because they haven't. But life is about change and growth and that come with choices. At the current rate government will regulate oour personal lives to the point that we will have NO choices. Which will equal no change and no growth, which in turn makes us ?WHAT? DRONES/CLONES/Cookie Cutter People
Minorities shouldn't take away a Majorities rights and visa versa.

People pay attention to our lawmakeers and the "special interest" groups.

Be informed and make your own choices but also be Mindful of one thing...

"AM I taking AWAY Someone Else's Choice"

A Week of Illness

2010-02-20T12:14:00.000-06:00

Life has been complicated, stressful and just crummy here.
The kids who went to Winterfest were ill within a few days of coming home, so last week on the illness front was tough.
BUT then on late Sunday evening and the wee hours of Monday morning illness started to take hold on me. I felt so bad, I sent George to get grandson Andy (who was out of school that day). Within hours I crashed and burned, I literally thought I was on fire. My basal body temperature has ALWAYS been low. When we did NFP (Natural Family Planning, don't laugh and no snide remarks), I had to reset the charts because they didn't go low enough. So a fever just knocks me on my arse. Supposedly my Grandaddy (Victor Crofford) didn't tolerate fevers either. The higher it gets the more delirious I get, I know that is normal for everybody, I just hit it at a lower number.
So my week has been spent in bed with headache, fever, throwing up, diarrhea and now chest cough/congestion. I am still not on top of my game but fighting to get there. I thought succumbing would get me better faster and so far it hasn't. So maybe now I just need to bulldozer through as best I can and pray I don't get sicker. Because frankly I am tired of this "vacation" or so some people think it is. There are dishes to do, meals to fix, vacuuming to do and just generally keeping the house together. I wish I could say "they can't live with out me" but the truth is they don't care about the same things I do. Many days here lately I realize how much I have failed in raising my children. Enough of that.
So I have lost weight (not in a good way), wasn't able to make it to Curves all week, am still running fever & breathing hurts & slight headache (but tend to function with them anyway), got DSL internet yesterday (so now I may start posting some pics & vids).
Generally a Lost Cause Week in the Cerveny Home.

Another Week Down, Many More to Come

2010-02-13T11:29:00.000-06:00

So another busy week in our lives is done, sort of. Because honestly, we are never done or through with anything.
Sunday, I started getting a headache during church. Then Sunday evening, much earlier than we planned, the kids got home from Winterfest. A great time was had by all, even though it sounds like their bumms were in the snow alot. The plan of attack for next year is to get there earlier and get more skiing and sight-seeing in.
By Monday morning, the headache was progressing to the migraine from hell. I ran a couple quick errands and it didn't take long and I was down for the count. I struggled with it and finally succumbed. Changed my clothes and crawled into bed and covered my head. Really the only reason I went out that morning was because at 7am, we were greeted to the sound for ice tinkling on the porch. Unsure of what the weather would progress to, I figured I better take care of a couple things. Dan was able to work, doing jobs out of the Jackson, MS office. With all the snow that has been hitting around us, he hasn't missed any work. The Memphis office has had to close twice and Jackson was closed Friday.
So one of my laments has been all around me in the state has been getting snow and at best, we have gotten a little ice but mostly rain. My ground is so soggy. And I want the pretty white stuff.
So between migraine and weather, I didn't make it to Curves on Monday.
Tuesday morning Abby had to speak at a FOS Breakfast. FOS is Friends of Scouting, it is basically an appeal to the local businessmen to contribute to scouting financially. Abby was the lead speaker, representing Venturing; she was followed by a Boy Scout and some Cub Scouts. From the reports I received she did wonderfully. But it really doesn't surprise me. Dan took her because I had been hurting so bad the previous day. Tuesday was a total loss for me, the major pain had passed but I felt like somoeone had "drug me through a knothole backwards".
On Wednesday, I got out to Curves. Yippee. I still remembered how to do the various machines. Then I went to lunch with a friend. Came home got a couple things done, then took Bethany and Abby in for their Wednesday night meetings at church.
Thursday, I got on out to Curves again, to make up for missing Monday. Did a few errands. Came home to try to accomplish as much as possible before going to District Banquet. This is another scouting event. Yes, our life revolves around scouting. Tiffany and Cassie came down for a visit. Went to the Banquet, visited, ate and listened to all that is being done in the district. While Dan and I went to put gas in car and pick up a few groceries, the boys went over to JP's (our District Exec) to talk about the weekend coming and summer camp. Oh, yeah, I cut Nick and Nate's hair before going also. Nate's had really grown out and looked like a flaming bush on his head :) Nick's hair just starts curling everywhere when it gets to long. Ben is still holding to his long straight hair. He is so cute.
Friday, we were unsure what we would have weatherwise. They were calling for snow, but again it alluded Sardis/Batesvile area. The goals that day were to go to Curves, to do some specific shopping (delicate nature and won't embarrass people), get laundry dried (dryer needs a part and haven't gotten it so laundromat time) and cook dinner before guys leave about 5. With the help of Mary all was accomplished. I think I could have done it but I started hurting about noon. My body started rebelling, it wanted to know "what are you thinking working out 3 days in a row"? The soreness just kept getting worse as the day progressed. Dan, Nate and Ben got off to their OA LLD (Order of the Arrow Lodge Leadership Development) weekend. They had their stuff and were feed. I spent the evening watching Heroes Season 3 with those at home, then went to bed.
Today, I wish I could say the multitude of things I planned for today were getting done but alas, they are not. Abby is really starting to cough bad. I am coughing and have a headache and drainage. Not to mention that I slept horribly. I never learn, Bethany and Abby slept in bed with me, since their dad was gone. Abby and I slept on the edges and were steamrolled by Bethany all night. Heaven help the man she marries, if she doesn't start sleeping stiller. Well, the guys will be home after 5ish. There will be dinner to prepare, a list for Dan on the way home, and hopefully a couple of things accomplished around here.
The great news is I accomplished my goal of going 3 days a week to Curves for 2 straight weeks now, my jeans I bought 3 weeks ago don't fit me the same. And most days I feel better than my normal.
All of you out there have a blessed week, or at least try.

Week's Goings On

2010-02-05T15:05:00.002-06:00

Alot of running to make sure all was ready for kids to go to Winterfest. They are on the road today, I am looking forward to the reports of how their ski weekend goes.
Tuesday, we had crew meeting, it was of course about Winterfest and a few upcoming events. They also decided to volunteer at the Hot Air Balloon Event in Tupelo (community service).
Wednesday was "New Beginnings" a church event of Young Women. Parents were invited, Alexis (one of the young women) planned the event and did a vary good job.
Thursday more running for supplies and Nick had a last minute meeting in Tupelo. They are going to do COPE events at AdventureBase 2010, which is next month.
Today, I sleep in.
We only had 2 sunny days this week. Gray and rainy is terrible for my mood.
The good news is I went to Curves on Monday, Wednesday and today, as planned. The goal is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the month of February. They only weigh and measure once a month, so that won't be until the 1st of March. I actually am feeling better from the exercise, which is no small feat with me starting my cycle this week. They also don't start you on the CurvesSmart program until you have been 10 times. It is a faster pace program and the machines keep you on track and tell you if you aren't doing something right. I think I will wait till March, at least before starting that. My goal is 3 days a week for the next month or two. Then move on to 4 days for a month or two. Then 5 days from then on. So I will keep you posted.

Determined

2010-02-01T11:43:00.002-06:00

Many of you who have known me my whole life know that 35 years ago, I weighed 120 lbs soaking wet. Mind you that was too thin but now at 260, I am too fat. Morbidly so.
I am determined to get down to what is considered an ideal weight. Which surprisingly I was just shy 5 pounds of 35 years ago at 68 inches. So the recommended weight for 66 inches (I shrank) will be 118-167 pounds and BSA allowable exception is 168-201 pounds. So I am thinking the first goal will be 200, then I will work in 25 pound increments until I am happy and comfortable.
So what am I going to do. I started out by trying to do Wii Fit Plus at home. But I found I was uncomfortable with people in the house. And there is no privacy.
So I joined Curves. It will make me do it, because I am spending Dan's hard earned money. It will give me time away from the house and children.
But hopefully the most important thing will be I will lose weight and feel healthier.
Today was my first day. I didn't feel stressed doing the workout. My knees are bothering me, but that could also be the very cold temps. It was 27 degrees when I left and only 29 when I got back. Thank you Mr. Sunshine keep on warming. I started feeling tired abit after getting home. I think that is more due to poor sleep and sleeping habits. I will be working on that also. I am going to do Wii Fit on the days off from Curves.
I am going to be more cautious about what I eat, but I won't deny myself foods. Especially since I am working on my cooking skills and recipe variations.

A Year of OA

2010-01-18T09:04:00.003-06:00

The past year has been eventful for my boys in OA. In case, you don't know what OA is, it's an Honor Society within Boy Scouts of America. Order of the Arrow members are supposed to promote fellowship, leadership and service within their ranks and community.
In November of 2008 Nathanial was elected lodge chief. His term was up in November 2009. During the year, Nate went to several trainings within the Southern Section. He worked hard to improve the Ordeals. He served as part of the Service Core at NOAC (National OA Conference). He did the best he could to improve the lodge. He received Vigil Honor. To his surprise and ours (his proud parents), he received the Founder's Award for all his hard work in council. He was also presented with an OA figurine that is very nice and limited edition.
Ben was also presented with Vigil Honor. He served as Coordinator of one of the Ordeals. He went to NOAC. He was Service Core at the Fall Camporee this year. Ben was elected as the Chicksa Chapter Chief in November. So begins his year of service. He is one of 5 Chapter Chiefs who will work with the new Lodge Chief.
All my guys received their service flaps for the year.
Dan is still the Chapter Advisor.
Our emotionally adopted son, Michael was elected as the new lodge chief. Good luck with your year of service to the Lodge.
The calendar is already filling with Scouting events.

My Dear Father-in-law

2010-01-14T17:48:00.002-06:00

Well, the thing I feared back at Thanksgiving happened.
My dear father-in-law passed from this plane of existence to the next. We received the call the evening of January 6th. I immediately started figuring out how to get Dan there. I of course cried, too many times I think I provide the tears for all events. Especially in my immediate home. I wish I could control it better, and believe it or not I do control it to a certain point (in other words kids, I could cry more).

My mind spun around and around remembering all the times, I had spent with him and regretting the times, we didn't make to be with him. I am also a regretter (yes, I know it isn't a word).

Once I determined the whos, whens and hows, we were on the road. Two hours later than I wanted to start off but on the road. We left on Thursday because Dan was already on vacation time due to a health issue. It would be Dan, myself, Abby, Bethany and Nick. Google map said 12 hour drive (I knew it would take longer). Bad weather was being predicted all the way to Cleveland, Ohio. I managed to drive 12.5 hours before becoming too tired. It had also become the worse part of the trip, icy/snowy roads (alittle more than this Southern girl knows about). Dan took over about 60 miles south of the destination.

Our destination was actually to Dan's youngest brother's (Mark) house. He and his lovely wife (Pam) had an extra room that we could crash in. Dan's sister Mary was willing to put us in a hotel. But I was grateful, to be able to stay with family. Family events are about sharing family history... the telling of stories and reliving the past. And it is not done as easily when you stay at a hotel.

Mark was 10 when Dan was drafted and left home. So they really don't know each other and we haven't been to Cleveland that many times. So it was a real get-to-know-you situation for the 2 families. Mark and Pam have 5 children, their oldest has left home. I think the thing that struck me the most was how many ways Dan and Mark are alike. As I watched (I love to watch people) and listened to Mark, I was also reminded of my father-in-law.

We visited with my mother-in-law (whom I love dearly and hold her in my heart preciously, especially after watching her bury a child and a husband in less than a year) and the rest of Dan's siblings.

It was great to visit, in spite of the sad circumstances. Thank you Dad for always making me feel as part of your family. Thank you for the son, you raised so true to his heart. You will be missed on this earth. Be at peace and prepare for us to come one day. Hug my son (your grandson) and my granddaughter (your great-granddaughter) for me and tell them I miss them. But know how much I love and appreciate you and will miss that smile you always had for me and the welcoming hug.

Gilbert Raymond Cerveny
1921-2010
Father of 9
Husband
Great Father-in-law

Dan Home

2009-12-30T13:04:00.003-06:00

Now normally, this isn't an issue. Dan and I enjoy each others company. I have always enjoyed extended time at home with him.
However, I am worried that by the end of the week, he and I may be grumpy.
You see, he is down. He has either a foot sprain or stress fracture. Which means, he is in a Post-operative foot boot and immobile for 7-10 days (as of Monday). We set him up a spot, that has a way of him propping his foot up, he can see the TV, and have his laptop.
Of course, I must say, he is doing better than I would. I would have eaten someone by today. I would be too bored.

Warning Sad Post

2009-12-22T09:21:00.001-06:00

14 Years Ago-- One of My Many Personal Struggles

On Dec 22nd 1995, I awoke to an extremely strong kick from our unborn son. Of course, since we were having a homebirth, I didn't know it was a boy. My water had broken the day before and I had a few contractions. This wasn't unusual for me, I had had two other births (sons) who started their entrance into the world that way.

Also as par for the course for me, I still wasn't done with Christmas stuff. So that afternoon I was off to Walmart to finish up some last minute stuff. I know 41 weeks, water broke...but hey I needed to finish up I was going to have a baby in the next day or so.

As I was walking around I realized the baby wasn't moving. I got home sent my older children off to work and started looking for a heart beat and trying to stimulant movement. I didn't take long for me to realize that my efforts were in vain. I sat in the bathroom alone crying for the lose of this child. I knew Dan would be home soon, so I didn't call him. I know many will think, why didn't you go to the hospital sooner... because in my heart I knew it wouldn't have made any difference.

When Dan got home, he tried to find a heartbeat and get the baby to move. It was then decided to go to the emergency room. I was immediately taken to L&D. An ultrasound was brought in and confirmed our knowledge. I gave the medical people a complete medical history of myself and this pregnancy. They still treated me, as a crazy person. The doctor was even worse. When or how our children were told, I am unsure. It was decided to insert Prostoglandin gel and wait and induce the next day.

Dan and I spent the night in the hospital on the pull out bed. Crying together for our lose. I had not felt such pain in a long time. In some ways, a series of events in our lives had prepared me but there is only so much that can be done. Loss of a child is the hardest thing. My father had died when I was pregnant with my 3rd child, I loved and didn't like my father at the same time. Then almost 2 years later my maternal grandfather died, again I was pregnant. Then a few years later our 5th child was diagnosed with ALL (a form of leukemia) and Dan had just left on a cruise. And faced the prospect of losing a child, but she survived. I have experienced grief and death. But none of it compared to what I felt that night and even now.

The next day, I was induced. My Relief Society President Rita Turner and Dan were with me. It was a hard labor, I had been induced with the 2 other births so I knew what Pitocin was like. I had managed through them without pain meds. But the grief was too much so I asked for them this time. That was a mistake, the Morphine (doctor's choice) didn't really help with the pain of the contractions, just made the room spin between. We don't realize how much an alive baby helps during the labor and birth process.

He was finally born. Andrew David Cerveny, weighed in at 10 lbs. 5 oz. and was 22 inches long; he was our biggest yet. He looked perfect. Dan and Rita dressed him in the outfit I bought for after the birth. He barely fit it.

Then Tiff, Daniel and Jen came over to visit and to take me home. We all took turns folding him and crying. We were told to take as long as we needed. The photographer for new babies offered to take his picture. Dan took him down, my mom had give me a blonde long-hair sheep skin, he was laid on it. I am so grateful to have those pics (it is not a usual practice). We stayed until I started feeling Andrew getting cold, then it became even harder because we needed to go home to the littler ones. My children at home that time were 20 months, 4, 6, 8, 12, 14, 16, 18 and 20. Our older daughter was in NC and pregnant with her first. It was hard to let him go (because he was going to the morgue not home with me).

Again, we had to stop at Walmart on the way home. My prescriptions had to be filled and I sort of gave him a list.

So off, I go with prescriptions for pain and grief, and to dry up my milk for the baby I no longer had.

The next day was a blurr as were many. We went and meet with the funeral home and set up everything. We meet with our Bishop and set up services. And went home. The next day was Christmas. I don't remember doing any cooking, so I assume the girls took over. We had signed up for to feed the missionaries and we decided to keep the appointment. It was good for the kids.

I think I slept through the next day.

Then came the day to put him in the ground. We went by the funeral home. They had it set up for family to say goodbye. Dan had taken things (a blanket that was made for him, a musical toy, etc) ahead of time to be in the casket with him.

When we said goodbye, the kids added a Matchbox fire truck and his father put in a silver dollar (to call home). Then we headed to the cemetery. The cemetery where my grandfather, my grandmother's parents and her grandmother and aunts were all buried. Andrew was to be put in a spot next to my grandfather leaving room for me to be buried next to him and my grandfather on the other side. Then Dan would be buried on the other side of Andrew. The services went as well as can be expected. No one thinks of a child dying.

We all gathered back at my grandmother's house and ate and had people visit. Who was there, I honestly don't know.

The next few years are a blurr but then again so are many before that. I know I depended alot on the older daughters to help with our youngest.

I am unsure how to end this post. I wish I could say I handled this much better. But the reality is that some years are harder than others. Depending on the milestone it would be or the stress in my life.

My love to all who have been there for me during ALL of the struggles in my life. And I apologize for errors but I couldn't put my proof reader through this twice. She was the 20 month old at the time.

35 years

2009-12-14T09:31:00.005-06:00

35 years of marriage
...oh my how did I get so old
...oh I remember
... time marches on.

Our story actually started in May not December. We just became legally married in December. No really before that, the first time I saw Dan was in 1970. I was 14 and he was 21 (but he looked 16, I kid you not). He became involved with the CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) but I was involved with someone else. Actually I was engaged twice before Dan, spent my teen years engaged.
Back to May 1974, I was getting close to graduation from Princess Anne High. I applied for a job at Arby's (oh by the way, this is happening in Virginia Beach, Virginia) and it was my first day of work. I was on the floor, 5 minutes when he came in. I hadn't seen him in awhile because we moved and didn't go to the base chapel anymore and he had been to sea. Yes, he was a sailor, that is one the perils of growing up in a military town. Oops, got off track. Anyway he came in with a guy friend for lunch, he saw me and recognized me. He insisted to my trainer, that I was the one to help him. Remember I had been on the floor a few moments and cash registers were much different back then. Well, I ended up getting his address and phone number. Oh by the way, I am 18 at this point and he hasn't turned 25 yet.
Well, many weekends my foster sister Laurie and I cruised the strip. I know, I know not very productive but as Abby would say "I liked to enjoy God's art work" and enjoyed looking at the guys. I had told Laurie about Dan and so we decided to go see him. So 2 girls come knocking at his door, oh how forward. And that is what his mom thought too...strike 1 with my future mother-in-law.
Added remembrance: This is really another strike with future mother-in-law making it strike 2, Dan had re-enlisted which meant he wasn't coming back to Cleveland. In reality, he had done that before me but hadn't told his folks. It was just assumed it was because of me.
So we started seeing each other. About the time of graduation, I asked Dan to not come around so much. After all, I spent my teen years engaged and wanted some freedom. He stayed away 3 days and has been in my life ever since.
Then in July, my dad and I were going through yet another rough spot. At that time, my old foster sister Barbara was visiting (she had married and moved away). She offered to let me come live with her and her husband in Michigan. Then I went over to Dan's and we talked about the fact, I had to move out because of the situation. So that is when it was decided, I would move in with him...strike 2 really strike 3 with my future mother-in-law. He was getting ready to go out to sea for about 3 weeks. He was in process of changing from sea duty to shore duty but they had no one to replace him on the ship. We would get married soon after he got back. Mind you, this goes against his strict upbringing. That was the 10th of July, so now to tell my parents.
So we went to see my mom and dad. Now mind you, Dan was 5'4" and 135 lbs. and my dad was 6'2" and well over 200 lbs. We are all in the kitchen and Dan proceeds to tell my folks "Barb is moving in with me and there is nothing you can do about it! We will get married after I get back." My dad had his back to us, as I waited for him to turn around with his response. I was praying, "Dear God don't let my dad kill him!" Dad turns around and says "She is free, white and 18 so okay." I think my mother gasped, it turns out she was more of a prude than dad (or so dad said). We packed up most of my stuff that night. And our life together began.
We had 9 wonderful days together before he went to sea. He came home for lunch everyday wink wink. Then he was suppose to be gone 2.5 to 3 weeks tops so the end of July to the beginning of August. Yeah right, this is the government. He finally made it home the beginning of October.
The wedding plans begin.
We decided on a December wedding, who really knows why. Other than both he and my dad would get the tax deduction if we did this before the end of the year. It was going to be a DIY wedding.
So Dan's parents came down with his oldest sister, Mary who was a bridesmaid, and his youngest sister Terry who was 5 and his brother Leonard who was his best man. They drove from Cleveland in a Honda Civic. Long drive, small car and then we weren't there when they arrived. This was way before cell phones so they sat out in the parking lot waiting for us...strike 3 strike 4with future mother-in-law. But I will never forget the big smile and hug I got from my future father-in-law. (Pause as I cry, because he is very ill and health declining.)
So the wedding day arrives. In the military back then, after September 1 the sailors wore Dress Blues, which are made of wool. I had a satin dress and mom had to make me slippers because I am 4" taller than Dan. So I get to the chapel and the yeoman isn't there and the chapel is locked. Luckily, I knew how to break in, because I saw Dan and his brother coming in his VW. I know, ridiculous because we lived together. My mom made me stay the night at their house before the wedding. So I get into the chapel and get ready. Oh by the way, it was 74 degrees that day and the 2 men I loved most in my life were having to wear wool :)
We were married at 11 am, then had the reception about 2 (getting fuzzy on the times and don't know where the invite is to confirm the time). Added memory, Laurie reminded: When the family go to the reception hall, there was no key to get the tables and chairs out of the closet. After the reception, we left and went to check-in to a small motel in Elizabeth City, NC. We only had the weekend off. I really wasn't into the engagement ring, fancy wedding ring or big honeymoon. Just quiet time with Dan, and the thing is, it is still that way. We went down to a friend of the family's restaurant, Angler's Cove in Hertford, NC. The next day, we wandered around Edenton, NC. Dan taught me to use his 35mm camera and took a bunch of photos of old houses and the sound.
So that is how it began, believe me there are a lot more things I would love to say. But I have had many interruptions and the day is ticking by.

My love to all, who have been a part of our lives for the past 35 years.
My love to all, our children and grandchildren.
But the largest part of my heart belongs to that man
who came into my life and changed me forever,
who tries so hard to keep me happy,
who tries to protect me from bad things and myself.
My prayer is many more years ahead together.

Type of Property I Would Love to Find

2009-12-11T21:03:00.002-06:00

Description: This will be another ongoing thing as I firm it up in my mind.
5-20 acres (probably closer to 5)
Mix of cleared and wooded.
Temporary home while we build or at least a place to put a temporary home.
Fencing, at least some.

Where: This is a toughy and may be troubling to same in my family. I will include some reasons, as to why these areas.

Missouri, Phelps County specifically
Dear friend who is alot like me, Military base nearby, college close, beautiful area

Kentucky, within an hour of Fort Campbell
Military base, Near Clarksville which has College, Job base, and alternative healing community

Mississippi, the following counties are possible Marshall, Lafayette, Pontotoc, Union and Calhoun
Dan can stay with current employer, still in Yocona Area Council, Colleges

Cost: As cheaply as I can get away with :) And owner financed or lease to own, 10 years maximum

SO, if you live in these areas and think you know of something, Let me know!

The Desire to Move-- The Whys

2009-12-11T20:36:00.003-06:00

Maybe there is part of me that is gypsy.
Maybe I like to run away when I am too stressed.
Maybe I didn't move enough as Military child and wife.
Maybe I feel betrayed by myself, my family and my social circle.
Maybe I left too many dreams behind and would like to reclaim some of them.
Maybe I left a piece of myself somewhere in my mind and would like to find it.
Maybe change is good for the soul.

I live on a slope, and haven't been able to successfully grow much of anything in almost 20 years. I keep trying but I can only cut down so many trees and I can't cut down the neighbors. Not to mention that slope is midway on the hill. I am between neighbors and a small lake. "A River Runs Through It' describes my property and under my house; when we have anything more than a medium rainy day.

I desire a house that isn't washing away.
I desire a house that has active and passive solar for heat, hot water and most of my electrical needs.
I desire a garden (vegetable, herbal medicinal and culinary), small orchard and a berry plot, poultry (guineas, chickens, turkeys, quail without having to worry about stray dogs) and a beef to raise.
I desire to know someone I can get fresh raw milk from (without out the government being involved).
I desire to have a good friend who is interested in some of the same things I am.

Yes, I know I should have been working on all this for the past 35 years.

This post will be a continuing update.... as I feel up to it and as I get up the nerve to say what I truly feel. I will change the font color when I add something new.

End of November thru Today

2009-12-11T09:58:00.002-06:00

Well, let us see.
I tried (unsuccessfully) to move to Missouri. It is a long explanation and I will get into it in a later post.
We had all the local family Thanksgiving meal at Tiffany's (Mary and I cooked). Everyone seemed to enjoy it.
Dan and I took the first weekend of this month for ourselves. That is one of the blessings of so many adult children at home and our youngest being 10. It was a good weekend. We went to the Company dinner and just hung out with each other. No real plan and no discussion about stress points at home (until we were on our way home).
I promise I will be posting more in the next couple of weeks; in between this event and that event and Christmas dinner/New Year's dinner. I have a multitude of thoughts swirling in my head. Be warned children, you may not like what leaks out. But I love you anyway.

Council Camporee

2009-11-14T18:06:00.002-06:00

We had a beautiful weekend for it.
The crew drum and chanted.
The Venturing program had an area this year.
The OA held its Fall Fellowship and did election of Officers.
Congrats to the guy who will lead the Lodge this coming year.

What would you say if you had to summarize your life or your day in only six words?

2009-11-14T18:00:00.001-06:00

So everyone post it in the comments:
My life:
Joyful, tearful, loving, frustrating and unending.
My day:
Bright and beautiful, long and tiring.

Neglectful and Remiss

2009-11-06T11:37:00.002-06:00

Sorry I haven't posted much lately.
I am unsure where October went. October started with remembering the granddaughter, we lost. And feeling very sad that I couldn't be there with my daughter. My heart is broken for her.
Then as far as the rest of the month, it was typical running around. But the running was done under gray skies and alot of rain. So more sadness, as I am one that if I don't get enough sunlight, I go downhill. Little to no line dried laundry, Oh how I love that smell.
The month ended on a sunny note. The scouting event that the family volunteered for was cancelled. So Dan, Bethany and I took a quick trip to Missouri to visit the Miller's. Dan hadn't seen them in 11 years (since Tiff/Kimball were married). It was a beautiful sunny weekend. Dan got to visit and toured the farm.
I am packing up right now for the council camporee. It is suppose to be nice. Hopefully not to awful cold in the morning. Write when I get back.

September

2009-09-20T12:24:00.002-05:00

Well, let us see, hmm :)
We went to the Nashville, TN area to give our new granddaughter Rebecca, A Name and A Blessing in the church. Visited, much to briefly with David and Jen and the girls. We took the Natchez Trace back and stopped at different spots. Enjoyed the time with Abby, Bethany and Mary. Then the next day had a Labor Day meal with the family close to here.
I am just back from our Venturing Crew outing. We got the Hobie Kat from Yocona Council and went camping. It has been raining for a week and the forecast didn't look promising. But the Lord blessed us. We got to the Clear Creek area on Sardis Lake and the rains moved on. That is until this morning. We got the tents broke down and most of the gear stowed before the rains hit. But there is nothing like finishing up the scrambled eggs with some one holding an umbrella over you and likewise on the Dutch oven cinnamon rolls. Mind you, I was loading stuff while the youth were doing the cooking. I am abit picky about how things get loaded, and then the last of the stuff just got thrown in because of the weather. Back to the weather, Friday afternoon the sun peeked in and out but the kids got to make a few trips out on the lake. Then Saturday after breakfast, we packed for the day and launched again. We homebased in the Swimmers area and they brought the Kat up near there. It was an afternoon of playing in the water and out on the lake. Packing up about 5:30 to go back and cook supper. After supper, they sat around the fire playing games. Skills were taught to those who had not used the Kat before and I believe fun was had by all.
A bonus for me this weekend was that my son, Daniel brought out his two boys for the afternoon. Charlie had told me right up front that "He wasn't getting in the water, It was bad!" Well, him, Daniel and his little brother Andrew went down to survey the situation. Before Daniel could do anything Charlie was in the water. In his brand new Batman tennis shoes that he got for his birthday. He turned 5 on Friday. It was a joy and a pleasure to watch my son and his boys romp and play in the water. And of course, the majority of the crew are my children, so they interacted with their nephews. I am sure the boys sleep well for their mother after 5 hours of fun in the sun.
I am exhausted but the work doesn't stop. We have wet stuff to wash and dry out and the breakfast dishes to do (they were thrown in a garbage bag so we wouldn't get any wetter). Not to mention putting all the camping gear away. Life goes on but there are bright spots.

Ending of Summer 2009

2009-08-26T09:50:00.004-05:00

Well, the summer of 2009 is coming to an end. We will officially start up our homeschooling after Labor Day weekend. That is when I started as a kid back in Virginia Beach.

Last of July

Let us see if this feeble old brain can remember (all right children behave with those snickers).
The guys had their first post camp OA Ordeal. Nate and Ben went through their Vigil Ordeal. For those that know nothing about Scouting or OA (Order of the Arrow an honor society in scouting). Vigil is the highest level in OA. There is candidate, arrowmen, brotherhood and vigil. The first is elected by your Scouting unit. The next two are earned by doing certain things, going through the ordeal and time in service. The last is an honor thing, a vigil committee decides if you should get it. Not everyone gets it. So I am very proud that the boys received this honor.
Then I dropped Ben to stay with Michael for a couple of days. And then they could go meet the other guys in council going to NOAC (National Order of the Arrow Conference). I then headed straight on up to Jen's in Clarksville. Nate had to be at NOAC a day ahead because he was serving on the Chief's Core (staff). We spent the night and the next morning, I drove him up to Bloomington, Indiana. I came straight back (long, Long day in the car). Bethany stayed with Jen and got to enjoy Jen's girls for the day and evening. The next afternoon, Bethany and I headed home. So ended July.
P.S. Jen had a birthday, 2 days before I got there ( shhh, but someone turned 30). I now have a multitude of grandchildren birthdays in July, in order Cassie and Becca (new ones) then Pene, Wesley and Andy (the 3 year olds).

August

So, NOAC ends, Nick and I go to pick up Nate and Ben. Their ETA kept getting pushed back. So poor Nick spent the whole day (Thursday) with me roaming around Tupelo area. They get in from NOAC, do laundry and repack. The guys have the second post camp OA Ordeal that weekend. Then they all 3 leave to go work on the Gulf for a week with Miss Julie (park surveys).
They come home, Nick is much darker, so is Ben. But poor Nate is sunburned. He forgot sunblock one day. So when you see that sign, asking you to stop for a park survey, have mercy on those poor people. They are probably bored sitting out there in the weather most of the time alone.
So everyone is home. We have been catching up on all the camp, OA and work stuff. We are piddling and trying to get things done here.
Ooops, I almost forgot Daniel and Mary had birthdays this month. Daniel is over 30 and Mary is over 25 :) Granddaughter Sarah turned 10, so Tiff is getting up there also.

General State of Whatever

Garden didn't hold up against the deer. Oh well, we will try again. The potato tower didn't produce at all :( I will try that one more time. I am stubborn like that. I am going to try a couple fall crops.
We have had the mildest summer I can remember. I wonder if a cold winter is coming. I am going to prepare as if it will be.
Well, I need to get to work. Everyone be good, safe, happy and fulfilled.

Review of May, June and Beginning of July

2009-07-13T11:17:00.006-05:00

May

During May, Nate and Dan received their Woodbadge beads. Woodbadge is special adult training in scouting. They had to set goals and accomplish them after their training weekends.

Nate is the youngest in our council to receive them and the only lodge chief. The joke is Nate maybe a bit over trained. He has gone to NYLT, NLT, Woodbadge and possibly something else but my brain is lagging.
At the end of May, Nick was sent to BSA National Camp School in Missouri. He is now a Certified COPE Director. Council didn't have a way to get him back, so I went to get him. Fortunately for me, it was a couple hours from my dear friend Tina Miller. So I went a few days early to visit with her. Abby and Bethany went with me. Tina has 12 acres with chickens, milking animals, garden, etc. So Bethany go to gather eggs and milk a cow or try and work a big garden. I enjoyed my time with Tina, we laughed and cried and shared the events of the past 10 years. I can't let it be so long between visits.
Also in May, we went out and set Andrew's headstone.

June

Well, June what can I say. ALOT of trips to Camp Yocona. First taking George, Nick, Nate and Ben out there. Then picking them up on the couple weekends they came home. And of course, Sunday and Wednesday night campfires. We can't miss those. Sunday night is when the Staff does skits to introduce themselves, so I have to watch my guys. Then Wednesday night is the Order of the Arrow campfire, by far my favorite time, especially since my guys and gal, Abby are on the drum/singing team. But I really enjoy it more when my Nate dances, he is a grass dancer. And I love to watch him dance as his brothers drum and sing.
This year, Nate and Ben were honored by being tapped out for Vigil, which is given by a group of their peers and the highest honor able to be received.
We (Dan, Mary, Abby and I) had Young Women's camp during Vigil week. So we left YW camp about 4pm and got back about 1am. So that we could see the guys tapped out and Abby sing.
During this month, we also had a sad event. My cousin, Doug Crofford passed away. He was only 44 years old. It was sad to see his children (twin girls and son) grieve the loss of their father. His lovely wife held up beautifully. My heart broke for Uncle Leo and Aunt Ruth because it is hard to lose a child.
My daughter Tracy came from NC to stay with Bethany during YW camp week. Her youngest is Bethany's age. Plus her son was going to Boy Scout camp at our camp.
So now on to July. PS forgot Granddaughter Jamie had her birthday this month.

July

So we have 2 grandbabies due around the 4th of July. One living just up the driveway down the street and the other 5 hours away in Clarksville, TN. Plus the boys and grandson come home from camp on the 3rd.
Well as luck would have it, grandbaby #1 decides to come on 3rd of July. So I have daughter laboring and getting close when sons call ready to be picked up. This is the grandbaby who just lives up the hill. So grandpa, Dan misses the birth to go get our guys. Yes, it is a homebirth. And a home waterbirth at that. So Cassandra Morgan Marston makes her arrival on the 3rd of July, weighing in at 8 pounds 2 ounces and 19.5 inches long.
Of course, the 4th was full of food and fireworks. The grandson decides he likes being here at this time of year. Between us, son-in-law Kimball, son Daniel and neighbors; our street was popping.
Daughter left to head back to NC on the 6th and I decided to go to Clarksville. Because Jen was overdue and without transportation. Their van wouldn't start when son-in-law went to go to work. So on the 10th of July in the wee hours after on again off again labor and some very difficult labor, our second granddaughter was born. Weighing in at 8 pounds 4 ounces and 21 inches, we welcomed Rebecca LeAnne Morrison.
Abby was suppose to stay, but had a respiratory cold and I wouldn't leave her with a newborn in the house. So if this post reads alittle off, it is because my editor is still sick. I will have her look it over, when she is better.
Nick worked down on the Gulf for a week. Tried some new things, liked a few and can do without a few.

So what is next......
Nick just left with his friend (our newest adopted child) Michael to Arkansas for a visit with Michael's grandfather.
Nate and Ben will be going back out to camp for a few days to take BSA Lifeguard training.
There is the first Post Camp OA Ordeal and Vigil Ordeal this month.
Then at the end of the month, I will run Nate up to NOAC a day early because he will be on staff. Ben and Michael will be going with the contingent from the council. That will take us into the first week of August. They get home and then have the second OA Ordeal immediately.

Life is always busy and many times to full.
Have a good one.

NO Blogging

2009-06-13T16:33:00.000-05:00

I will be going offline for abit. Unsure how long.

Sad Plus Happy Equals Good Moments

2009-05-06T11:26:00.002-05:00

Well, yesterday was my granddaughter, Maggie Mae's first birthday (happy because she was a special gift). And she wasn't there (obviously sad) with us to celebrate it.
David and Jen allowed us to encroach on the occasion. So road trip (sad, I really wish telliportation had been invited) to see them (happy, love seeing them all).
We met them at a really nice park, we cooked out. And Syd and Pene drug Aunt Abby and Aunt Bethany all over the playground. Us older bunch just talked about nothing important. (This is obviously happy.)
Jen and David early on insisted Dan and I come see something in the back of their van (this could be worrisome). Before opening the van door, David assured me it wouldn't bite, that it was from all my children and it would involve tears (does he know me or what). So the back of the van opened up and there it was. It was a headstone for our own son, who had died 13 years ago (happy, sad and yes tears, even as I write this). Jen had realized when she placed a headstone for her own child that it was time for Andrew to have one. Why hasn't he already gotten one? Variety of reasons and probably not all good. (So this is a happy plus sad that equals good moments).
After finishing the cookout part, we loaded up and went to the "Wierd, Hippy" store there in Clarksville. It is were I can get (without having to pay shipping) the resins and herbs that I smudge with. It also has crystals and incense and teas and they practice all kinds of alternative healing there. (This is happy because I love to experience the shop itself).
We then headed out to the cemtery. David and Jen's girls leave little items at Maggie's headstone and mom collects up the things they left from the previous holiday. I placed a pink long stem rose and Dan place a long white caranation on her headstone. (This was sad and hard. This is a moment I hate sharing with my children. I love them so much and I don't want them to feel this type of pain. It is a pain that never goes away. A pain that can hit you out of the blue. A pain that can take your breath away. A pain that can knock you down and make you not want to get back up. A pain that burns forever.)
We then hit the road again (sad because I didn't get to say the things I wanted to, sad because I didn't get to be around them long enough).
Here is part of what I didn't get to say. Kids, I will always remember Maggie's birth and the time I got to speed with you before she was born. I will always remember not wanting to tell you after she was born, that she was severly ill. I will always remember her sweet counteance. I will always remember the love and joy of the home she came too. And how much, you will always love her. I regret not getting to stay with you after she was born. I should have found a way. I regret not being there more during her 5 months of life on this earth. I regret not seeing you more since she passed from this earth. I regret not being more involved this pregnancy. I will never regret being your midwife or her grandmother and being there for her birth. My memories of her will be precious and dear in my heart.

So this is how Sad Plus Happy Equals Good Moments.

Thank you children of mine for giving me the Good Moments, they are partly what make me who I am.

End March-Beginning April

2009-04-15T11:13:00.002-05:00

So what have we been up to?
Nate and Dan went to an Order of the Arrow Leadership training in the Asheville NC area.
On the homefront, we have been cleaning the yard, working on our Square Foot Garden area and Native American areas.
We have Snow Peas coming up around the Lodge we are building. I planted some Dusty Miller plants to catch the Moonlight. I have some teeny tiny herb plants, mainly smudging and medicinal so far. I got in my order of sample seed packets from Le Jardin du Gourmet. I am anxious to get some of them started. I plan on going to the feed store this weekend and get some of my veggie seeds. I will be glad when spring hangs in there. But unfortunately, I know summer (hot) weather will move in fast.
So basically if it isn't raining, we try to be outside, unless it is cold. The skinny people don't tolerate it well and even though I am fat and perimenopausal, I don't do cold well either. Dan is the only one, who loves the cold.
I have been fortunate and have been able to continue to hit nice days to do my laundry. Oh, how I love the smell of line dried clothes.
The male contingent are preparing to leave for the OA Conclave this weekend. That is being held in Johnson City, TN; it will be a bit of a drive but I am sure they will have a good time. They are taking a few of the other young men from the Chapter with them.
I guess the other thing is, we are involved in forming another Venturing Crew. A BSA Venturing Crew is for youth 14-21. The crew will focus on Native American Studies. Nicholas is the Venturing Adult Advisor and I will be his Assistant Advisor. The youth will focus on Music (drumming, chanting, flute) Lifestyle (apparel, daily living) and Crafts ( beading, weaving, making of garments). They will also be going camping, doing COPE events and other fun stuff. So it ought to be an adventure.
On the midwifery front, I have a friend due beginning of May, the girls (Jen and Tiff) due beginning of July and a new friend due in beginning of September. So I am On-call now, then a small break beginning of June, then back on call mid-June, then a break after the girls until mid-August, then back on call until the September baby comes. Excuse that poor grammar :) Of course, then all the fall Boy Scout stuff starts. My calendar is a nightmare.
So I will have to think about things and get back to you. Have a good one.

Welcome to the Newest Family Member with March Birthday

2009-03-24T18:18:00.003-05:00

Well, it seems I have acquired another son.
He just turned 17 and adopted the family last summer. He has worked BS Summer Camp with my boys for the past couple years. He calls us mom and dad, so I guess it is official.
Welcome to the family, Michael.

Spring Break

2009-03-24T16:39:00.002-05:00

So, what did you do for Spring break???
We started a sweat lodge. Which I have since decided it is too big. So I will make another but smaller. The current structure will become a community lodge for sitting in, meditating in, just a general gathering spot. We are working on clearing the property and there are small trees. So we harvested them and made a basic dome structure, interweaving the branches to fill in the gaps. I have planted some snow peas around part of the perimeter (need to finish). The peas will (hopefully) grow up the sides and cover part way up the lodge. If it works I will then plant or station other vining plants to grow there.
I started seeds for some smudging herbs and medicinal herbs and some violets, also.
We planted in 1 of the Square Foot Garden boxes. So far, 2 Cherry tomato plants and Marigolds.
We are trying to get the fall/winter leaf bed raked, composted or burned. Working on general clean-up.
I have a feeling it will be hard to catch us by phone except in the evenings. We have resorted to a walkie-talkie system. One on in the house and one out by the lodge/garden area.
Well, that is where we are at. I will post some pictures of the lodge, under construction as soon as my computer will let me.

March Birthdays

2009-03-24T16:23:00.002-05:00

Well, late again! It is getting to be a habit with me.
But I must admit one of the birthdays was mine and I tend to place little to no importance to it.
I turned 53 and am not sure if I feel it or younger or older. Probably older many days :?
Then George turned 28 this month also.
George's birth was quite the event. I carried George 44 weeks, he weighed in at 9 lbs. 14 oz. I was having good contractions at 42 weeks but (isn't there always a but), Dan had to go out to sea for 2 weeks. Well, stubborn me said "I won't have a baby without him" so I didn't. George was born within 36 hours of Dan coming home. In attendance at his birth, besides me and his father were the following group of people, Adella (midwife), her apprentice, Susan (our Bradley instructor/friend), my little sister Tracy (who was 11), our children Tiffany, Daniel, & Jennifer and our dear friend Cecilla and her 3 children. Luckily, it wasn't summer or our bedroom would have been very warm with that many people in it.

Recent Updates

2009-03-07T16:37:00.002-06:00

As I sat here thinking I need to post, I wondered what to post about.
Then I looked at the date of my last post. And an old song popped into my head "Time keeps on slippin', slippin into the future."
That is how I feel most days, that time is slipping away. That I am not accomplishing much in my life. That my frustrations are insurmountable. When I get stressed I want to move. And I have been researching the idea. My thing is I believe that if I am suppose to move God will show me the way. But try as I have in the past 17 years, God doesn't seem to want me to move. And so it is again. I am being told "Make peace with your stresses and do the best you can do."

So what have we been doing??
Dan and Nate went to Johnson City, TN area for a Council of Chiefs meeting (an Order of the Arrow thing).
We put gutters up on one side of the house.
I am still working on the gardening boxes. It is going to be slower than expected.
I bought 6 red raspberry plants and 6 black raspberry plants. That is the beginning of our orchard. I plan on putting in Granny Smith apples and a red apple of some sort.
I bought a lavender plant.

What do I hope to be doing this week? If the weather and our schedule permits :?
Planting some seed and my onions in the square foot gardens. And continue working the boxes.
Start working on the format of the herb gardens. Then setting the containers that I currently have (some actually have herbs) in the patterns. I am shooting for a spiral women's herb garden. A medicine wheel herb garden and hoping for a butterfly and moon garden.
And of course, just generally cleaning the property up.
I do have plans to go get updated id cards (Bethany is 10 so illegible now), a base sticker for the van (so I can go up at least every 2 months and do some bulk shopping, if prices are good).
I also plan to go to courthouse and find contact info for who owns vacant lots next to us. We figure if we buy up the lots over the next few years, we will end up with almost 20 acres. That is more practical than moving. SO stresses beware, I am resigned and going to deal with you!!!

The Next Birthday

2009-02-24T16:50:00.006-06:00

24 hours and almost 10

Well, let's see. The first birthday of the year is our oldest; then the second one is our youngest.
Her father introduces her as "Quits"!
Our Bethany is a gift from God and He told me of her coming before her brother, Andrew was even born.
It was difficult to be pregnant at 42/3; after having had 13 pregnancies (9 live-births, 1 term-stillbirth and 2 miscarriages). I worried about something going wrong, like with her brother.
I went to a doctor for some prenatal care, but still planned on having a UC (unassisted childbirth). But in the end, I panicked and she was born in a hospital. Her birth was not easy, I am a quick pusher and instead pushed for 2 hours with her. She decided (probably because of my loose abdominal muscles and position) to come in a brow presentation.
But she is here and we are grateful. She turned 10. So our baby turned double digits!

Let the BIrthdays Begin

2009-02-24T16:15:00.003-06:00

Our first birthday was our daughter, Tracy and I was remiss in not posting about her.

Tracy adopted us. She was 15 when she first became a part of our family. She was basically an only children, who loved the idea of a big family. And we had 5 children and were expecting another. So she has been with us for 21 years now.
She has grown into a wonderful woman, daughter and mother. I am very proud to have her as part of the family.

Another Family Member Gone

2009-02-12T21:43:00.003-06:00

On Wednesday, Feb 11th, we received the phone call.

My dh Dan's brother, Leonard Joseph Cerveny passed away.

He evidently died in his sleep.

Leonard was exactly 1 year younger than Dan.
Leonard will be missed.

2009-02-09T11:58:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

1. I'm NOT going to tell you I have been washing and line drying everything I can lay my hands on. Because I love the smell of fresh air laundry. Nope, I won't!

2. I'm NOT going to tell you How Overjoyed I AM to be having 2 more grandbabies in my life. Nope, I won't!

3. I'm NOT going to tell you that I have had more mucus come from my head and my children's heads than care to think about. Nope, I won't!

4. I'm NOT going to tell you that I spend too much time on the computer. Nope, I won't!

5. I'm NOT going to tell you that I am trying to pull together a LARGE square foot gardening area. That there are 15 boxes made, but still looking to acquire the soil ingredients to go in them. And still looking for the finances to cover it all. Nope, I won't!

6. I'm NOT going to tell you how stressed I am in my life. That when I get stressed the "Fight or Flight" syndrome sets in. My daughter joking said "Yeah, mom, you go catch me if you can and I will deal with the problem!" When my stresses are still few, I fight but when they get to a certain point I flee. Nope, I won't!

7. I'm NOT going to tell you how much I regret not having found a small farm before now. Or how much I still want a small farm. Nope, I won't!

8. I'm NOT going to tell you how much I love my family, even though they don't listen, follow directions, ignore me or stress me. Nope, I won't!

What's New!

2009-02-07T12:25:00.002-06:00

Not much, we have been passing a head cold through the family. It would be more helpful, if more of us got sick at once. But we like to drag it out. Mutate it and pass it back through :(

I have started a NEW blog.
A MS Mom's View of Prepping for All Things
Check it out, leave a comment or suggestion.

Events, Events, Events

2009-01-20T18:31:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, Nathanial was sworn in as Chicksa 202 Lodge Chief. We are very proud of him. He has many goals and dreams for the Lodge this year. The event happened at the Annual Lodge Banquet. Before the banquet, there were classes. My guys were involved in the Drum, Singing Team. It was very well attended, in fact, they had to move to a bigger room. I happened to call Dan and was fortunate enough to hear the lovely sound of the drum and their chanting voices. Nate was busy all day making plans.

On Sunday evening, the girls (Mary, Abby & Bethany) and I went to Miss Christina's for a Sea Ship sleepover (the females only). We introduced Miss Laura to Jane Austen. We watched the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, then we watched the Ballywood version "Bride and Prejudice". Miss Christina had a board game called "Bethumped". It is a word trivia game. It was a quite enjoyable time.

On Monday, George came and picked us up. The guys (George, Nic, Nate, & Ben) were in Oxford building a sign for the Food Pantry. It was a scout service project. When George picked us up, we then joined the guys. They were at Sister Karr's (kids know her as Grandma Maxine) she is my 5th cousin twice removed and turns 80 this year. She need work done on her property (brush cut and pine needles raked). I got to visit with her, which was very enjoyable. Her and I had a good time catching up on many things.

Remembering Another Magdalena with Pink

2009-01-15T16:07:00.003-06:00

Today, we are remembering Magdalena Grace Roberts. She was diagnosed during her mom's pregnancy with Trisomy 18. She passed this week and was laid to rest today.
As I think of them (her parents) and her; I remember my own sweet granddaughter, Maggie and her parents.
I smile for the blessings their parents received by being special enough to receive such sweet little ladies.
And I weep for the pain their parents will have in their hearts during this mortal life. A pain I wish I could take away or soften.
Well, this is our picture, "Pretty in Pink" for Magdalena. A celebration of her life and of our own Maggie.

Working Things Out

2009-01-09T12:27:00.007-06:00

Sorry, there haven't been any updates.
I am working on schedules and multiple lists for myself and my family. One of the things, I plan on is scheduling my blog days. Hopefully, I will even schedule out some ideas of what I want to blog about.
So what have we been doing. Enduring the rain and more rain but it is finally nice so we are doing some outside work. We have been building Square Foot Garden boxes. We still have many more to build, but we have a real good beginning. Hope to start filling them, this week. Even though our cold months haven't hit, Boy do I have the urge to dig in the dirt and plant stuff. Here is a picture of the beginning of us, cutting out the wilderness part of our property.

A New Year

2009-01-01T19:43:00.005-06:00

Who knows what the New Year will bring?
There are some certainties and always unexpected surprises.
There are always dreams of progress in our lives and there are usually set backs.
My dreams and prayers are always larger than I or my family can attain. I really need to break myself of that.
So what are some of my dreams:

To be more self-reliant by gardening, canning, sewing, etc.
Improve my home by setting a better example as an adult, a wife, a parent
Improve our physical home by getting repairs and improvements done in a timely manner
To find my inner peace so that my family will find theirs

So what are my prayers:

That my daughters have the births they need and babies to love
That my children will learn their place in the world and set goals to attain their dreams
That my children who are struggling will find peace
That my husband and I will continue having the wonderful relationship, we have had for the past 34 years
That those I love and hold dear in my life will be at peace

I know in my heart that all I experience will make me who I need to be for my future. I also know that some days I will appear not to be doing well. I know that I am going to survive all that life gives me or doesn't give me.

Andrew David Cerveny

2008-12-22T16:13:00.004-06:00

A Son Remembered

One of my many children, who changed my life and my way of thinking. This post is being started on the 10th of the month and it won't be posted until closer to his birthday. I started working on it early, because I knew that I couldn't do it last minute. And have added on to it alittle since.
Andrew David Cerveny was born on Dec. 23, 1995, but he died on Dec. 22, 1995. He was a full term pregnancy that ended in with a child who was stillborn. He weighed in at 10 lbs. 5 oz. and was 22 inches long. He was our biggest child. We buried him on Dec. 27, 1995 due to the holiday.
What happened you ask, we don't know.
As I have thought of Andrew, I am also thinking of the ones I love who have passed on. And how I miss them so. How, I wish all of my family could have benefited from their presence in their lives. I have many regrets about my relationship with those who have passed.
My best advice is to hold every one and every moment dear. Because we really don't know which will be our last moment.

34 Years

2008-12-15T13:39:00.005-06:00

Well, yesterday was the anniversary of Our Wedding.
We now have 34 years under our belt.
So what have I learned living with the same man for 34 years.

Understanding,
compassion,
forgiveness,
flexibility,
and love are key ingredients
and I know I forgot a few.

I am so very grateful for Dan. He has always been there for me. He stands up for me, even if he doesn't totally understand where I am coming from. He is the biggest blessing of my lifetime. He has been there for my greatest joys and deepest and darkest moments. He is my pillar of strength.
Oh! I am not saying I don't get frustrated with him, because I have and more than likely will again. I am not saying we agree all the time, we have disagreed many times and will again. We have rarely fought, but I am sure we will fight again.
I will post some photos of us over the years, in the next few days. So that you can see the differences of 34 years (older, grayer, older, heavier, older).

Of Legal Age

2008-12-01T18:50:00.004-06:00

Well, today marks another birthday. Well, the Nicholas is 21. He is the brown headed cutie in the middle there. That looks alot like his dad did when young, with the added Cherokee cheekbones from my side.

Nicholas was our first unassisted birth. We had been seeing a CNM and planned to deliver at the hospital. But she went on vacation, and there was NO WAY, I was going to deliver with the OBs, she worked with.

So we had 3 days of off and on again, labor. Dan worked in Norfolk, VA at that time and we lived in North Carolina. He called in for 3 days, because about 2 am every day I would start having contractions, but then they would stop by noon. As we prepared for bed on the night of Nov. 30, Dan told me that he had to go to work the next day. About 11:30 pm, the contractions started up again. Well, they didn't go away this time. He made his hellos about 6:30am on Dec.1st.

He was not named Nicholas because of the birth month. He was named after a gr.gr.grandfather, Nicholas John Matt, on his father's side.

He has been a joy and a stress, a blessing and a trial; as all children are.
My wish for him this day is a happy life.

Grandbabies

2008-11-27T20:40:00.002-06:00

Well, I have known for a few weeks our daughter, Tiffany was going to have a new addition.
Today, I received additional news that daughter, Jennifer is also pregnant.
They are due within a week of each other. So this summer will be very busy.
In 2004, they had babies within 10 days of each other.
Then in 2006, they had babies within a week of each other. Actually that year, their brother, Daniel had a baby during that week, also. That was exhausting.
Life is never dull.

Recap of Last 2 Weeks

2008-11-25T22:15:00.002-06:00

The guys had their OA Fall Fellowship weekend, two weekends ago. It was eventful. Nate ran for Chicksa Lodge 202 Chief and won. So for the next year, he is the head youth for the lodge. He and his Vice Chiefs have big plans for the lodge. So keep him in your prayers.
Nate on the following Monday arranged (at request of cubmaster) for dancers and the drum team to perform at a Cub Pack Meeting. So I got to listen to Nick and Ben (Abby sang backup with them) drum and chant. And watch Nate dance. I always enjoy it.
This past weekend, Dan and I went away for the weekend. It was a quite weekend away from the stresses of the past year. The boys and Abby stayed over at their brother, Daniel's playing Rock Band and other games. Bethany and Mary had movie marathons and cooked together.
This week has been prep for Turkey day. Tomorrow starts all the serious cooking and it won't end until mid-day on Thanksgiving.
Hope all have a Wonderful Thanksgiving and remember all the things they can be thankful for.

November is a Month of Thankfulness

2008-11-18T14:09:00.002-06:00

It has dawned on me that November is a Month of Thankfulness. Okay, so I am slow some times.
First, we have the Right to exercise voting for the leaders of our country (federal, state and local). This is something, we tend to forget to be thankful for.
Second, we celebrate Veteran's Day. We must remember these men and women. Without whom, we couldn't exercise the first event of November.
And third, we celebrate Thanksgiving. It is a time when we have a possibility of gathering as families. It is a time when, we can reflect on the preciousness of those we hold dear to our hearts. It is a time, of reflecting on our heritage (for many of us it is quite the mixture). It is a time to be Thankful to the Creator, God, Savior, or whomever for the love and mercy. It is a time to be Thankful for what we have and not look at the negative side of life.
I guess my point is with all the concerns about the economy, war and etc.; we can find something to be Thankful and Grateful for. We just need to adjust our attitudes. I have always loved the words from a song, that I believe was popular in WWII or possibly WWI.

"Accent the positive, eliminate the negative and don't mess with Mr. In Between"

So if you are having trouble finding those things, take pen and paper in hand and start a Gratitude Journal. If nothing else put, Just put one small thing in it a day.

The Merry Archers

2008-11-12T11:42:00.002-06:00

Their hats are on backwards, because of the wind.
Ben, Nick and Nate (with no hat)