What NOW!

Well, to be perfectly honest, I spent yesterday very upset and emotional (i.e. crying).
I didn't go to the OA Ordeal because of it.  I feel embarrassed crying in front of people.  Even my own family.
So I went to bed by 7:30 (with the TV on).  I was wiped out.
So, I am at the point WHAT NOW?
I was asked if I might consider going back to Birthwork.  The answer is NO.  I will be there for my daughters and granddaughters, but not for strangers.  I love Birthwork, but I am unwilling to expose myself (and it is all about me) to the standards of man for a God-given talent.  I know many feel I am not properly using what God gave me.  I am sorry you feel that way.  But if I feel uncomfortable, I believe it is not right.

So, I am back to WHAT NOW?
I don't know what door will open... I do know I feel best outdoors and connecting with the earth and nature.  I don't know if I will stay or go, learn according to man's terms or in another direction, I don't know.
I will be honest, I need a plan.  I have become more rigid in that way.

So I guess what I am saying is NO ONE needs to be hurt by what direction I go; just understand it will be the direction that doors open for me.