Retrospect - Intraspect and Futurespect

On the 21st of this month, a dear friend was laid to rest.
The thing that has caused so much thought on my part and in my home, is he was only 40 years old. He and his sweet wife were just about to celebrate their 5th wedding anniversary, had just bought a house and he was helping his mother with his father's estate. His father was buried on July 19th.
For such a young, vibrant, cheerful and community mindful person to leave us, in fact, leaves a big hole.
For his family to have to endure such pain, is hard to imagine.
Life goes on as it must but sometimes life and death throws us those curves balls that hit us smack in the head. So whether it is thought, dizziness or whatever; I know that in my dear friend's memory, I must strive "To Do My Best", to "Be Prepared" and live my life to its fullest.

Learning to Grow

In my 52 years, I have cried through many events, some happy, some sad, some almost devastating and some that devastated me.
I think in my younger mind, the first devastating was the death of my cat. I remember my dad saying "If you cry this bad for a cat, what will you do when I die." His death was my next devastating event, it was 29 years ago (I was pregnant with my third child). The next event would be when my 18 month old daughter (who is about to turn 25) was diagnosed with leukemia. I cried, I researched and we both (all) survived 3 years of chemotherapy. My next event, I didn't handle as well, I lost a couple years (my young children were fortunate to have older siblings) was the death of our full-term unborn son.
As far as, almost devastating, not sure. Probably because I survived the above events. It has been extremely hard to know and love Maggie, because of the physical distance between us. To know that my daughter will mourn the loss of her child (as I have already have and still do). It is difficult, to watch my son go through a divorce; when he still loves his wife. His pain is felt in my heart so deeply and I don't know how to fix it.
Sad moments, those are obvious. When I feel I have not lived up to being the daughter, wife, mother and person I wanted, and I could be. When I watch my children make mistakes that will effect them for the rest of their lives. The passing of many family pets and the devastation the children feel. And when I fight with my children over simple and in the eternal perspective stupid things.
The happy moments are easy to, the love of my life, my family. This includes the births of children and grandchildren. This includes million of silly moments. This includes so much that I am grateful for. My parents, my dear husband (who has supported me through life), my children (and their spouses) and my grandchildren.
I wish some how I could learn to pull all those happy moments, in my times of crisis and despair. I wish that we all could learn to tell people daily or any time it strikes our heart, to tell people we love them. I pray that as I go through the current turmoil that effects our family, I will have the strength to up lift those around me but also keep myself above water.
Strange post but needs to be said.