Sad Plus Happy Equals Good Moments

Well, yesterday was my granddaughter, Maggie Mae's first birthday (happy because she was a special gift). And she wasn't there (obviously sad) with us to celebrate it.
David and Jen allowed us to encroach on the occasion. So road trip (sad, I really wish telliportation had been invited) to see them (happy, love seeing them all).
We met them at a really nice park, we cooked out. And Syd and Pene drug Aunt Abby and Aunt Bethany all over the playground. Us older bunch just talked about nothing important. (This is obviously happy.)
Jen and David early on insisted Dan and I come see something in the back of their van (this could be worrisome). Before opening the van door, David assured me it wouldn't bite, that it was from all my children and it would involve tears (does he know me or what). So the back of the van opened up and there it was. It was a headstone for our own son, who had died 13 years ago (happy, sad and yes tears, even as I write this). Jen had realized when she placed a headstone for her own child that it was time for Andrew to have one. Why hasn't he already gotten one? Variety of reasons and probably not all good. (So this is a happy plus sad that equals good moments).
After finishing the cookout part, we loaded up and went to the "Wierd, Hippy" store there in Clarksville. It is were I can get (without having to pay shipping) the resins and herbs that I smudge with. It also has crystals and incense and teas and they practice all kinds of alternative healing there. (This is happy because I love to experience the shop itself).
We then headed out to the cemtery. David and Jen's girls leave little items at Maggie's headstone and mom collects up the things they left from the previous holiday. I placed a pink long stem rose and Dan place a long white caranation on her headstone. (This was sad and hard. This is a moment I hate sharing with my children. I love them so much and I don't want them to feel this type of pain. It is a pain that never goes away. A pain that can hit you out of the blue. A pain that can take your breath away. A pain that can knock you down and make you not want to get back up. A pain that burns forever.)
We then hit the road again (sad because I didn't get to say the things I wanted to, sad because I didn't get to be around them long enough).
Here is part of what I didn't get to say. Kids, I will always remember Maggie's birth and the time I got to speed with you before she was born. I will always remember not wanting to tell you after she was born, that she was severly ill. I will always remember her sweet counteance. I will always remember the love and joy of the home she came too. And how much, you will always love her. I regret not getting to stay with you after she was born. I should have found a way. I regret not being there more during her 5 months of life on this earth. I regret not seeing you more since she passed from this earth. I regret not being more involved this pregnancy. I will never regret being your midwife or her grandmother and being there for her birth. My memories of her will be precious and dear in my heart.

So this is how Sad Plus Happy Equals Good Moments.

Thank you children of mine for giving me the Good Moments, they are partly what make me who I am.