Apologies to Friends/Adopted Family/Anyone Else

I feel the need to apologize to friends and friends whom I consider family (hopefully you know who you are) and people whom I may have slighted.

I have NO excuse, except I have at times allowed my personal problems and issues get in the way.  Sometimes to the extreme.

If I have neglected you it is not because I don't need you in my life; generally it is because I don't know how to fit you in my life.  Life has at times overwhelmed me.  At times I have bitten off more than I can chew. There are many times I get frustrated with myself for allowing my health to get where it is. And no mom it isn't because I had so many children; it is because I didn't take care of myself.

I must admit that Sometimes I have become jealous of you replacing me in my childrens' lives. And I know my children aren't perfect but don't complain to me constantly, if you are having conflict with them.  I tell my children, "I will always Love You but there may be times when I Don't Like You".  And I will always Love my children more than others.

In case, you haven't figured it out about me; I Don't like Conflict and don't deal with it well.  I takes alot to push me into fighting back. I am learning to survive I must avoid conflict and stressful situations.  And when it becomes all about yourself, you forget to serve others as we should. And that leads me to neglecting or hurting someone; I am truly sorry.

I have been in conflict all my life as to my interests.  I love working with pregnant women, midwifery and babies; but like everything it has been in seasons and they aren't always continuous.  I have a love of my things and I am always thirsting for knowledge.  At the same time I am searching for peace, tranquility and spirituality.  I have come to learn that religion and being religious is not the same as spirituality.  I crave the spiritual being in myself and that can cause conflict with friends.

I have received much support from friends over the years and I am grateful.  I regret losing touch with so many of you.  I wish we could get together every so often; but I am also aware that you have lives of your own, or live a distance, or as like my family don't always have the finances to visit.  Know that I think of all the people who have been in my life, who have influenced my life and who have loved me.