Midlife Crisis

Yes, I know I will not live another 56 years and I know I am not male
BUT, I think that is partly what is going on.
We have had quite a few kids move out recently
AND even though I still have household chores to do, part of my life is missing.

I apologize to my dh, Dan for my last post...I would not have chose a different person to spend my life with, I am just trying to find my purpose and what I am suppose to enjoy doing with what older age is dishing out to me.  I love you dearly, just not sure about myself.

To my kids, I have said many times there isn't one of you I would choose not to have...well...no, no I am sure I would want each and every one of you.  I would try harder to make things harder and better for you. IF I could change time.

SO back to this crisis, I think being sick for a week has not helped my mood, after all it happened just as the boys were coming for a quickie visit from NM. So that meant lack of energy to do beyond the basics and SO much needed to be done.

I am however, trying to determine what I truly am good at, what will truly make me and my family happy (probably the first step they would like to see is me not whining on the internet...mom keep that stuff to your self ) and set some realistic attainable goals.

Goals have always been a bad place for me and I don't feel I have ever achieved a goal or finished many things...i.e. me saying "I am a Jack of All Trades and a Master of None"...I need to Master something in my life.  There is the rub or the crisis....what can I Master!  I know few attain infamous or famous standing and Lord knows I am NOT wanting that.  I just want to know that I mastered something and I was happy doing it.  I know I have raised children and that is a feat but I feel that was instinct not setting a goal and achieving it.  I just did it, and many years I feel I was in survival mode so they don't count.  I feel my endurance of bad stuff waning, I just don't tolerate what I use to.

I know I need to not let my family and friends feel my pain so easily.

Stay tuned!